


(I’ll give it to) Someone Special

by nofeartina



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Best Friends, Caught under the mistletoe, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Christmas fic, Cuddling, Evakteket Challenge, Fake dating for the holidays, Family Parties, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Homophobia, Hot Chocolate, Insomnia, Isak is not fond of Christmas, Isak is oblivious, Love Confessions, M/M, New Year’s Eve, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Religion, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Touch-Starved, Versatile boys, Weird holiday traditions, blowjob, holiday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-17 11:50:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13076277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nofeartina/pseuds/nofeartina
Summary: Isak Valtersen is certain of a few things:1. He doesn’t really like Christmas.2. He loves Even – as a friend.3. He doesn’t want things to change between them.So that’s why he offers to play Even’s boyfriend on a visit to Even’s homophobic family. And then he realizes a few other things.4. He’s surprised by how perfect a fake boyfriend Even is.5. Okay. Maybe, Isak is starting to love Even as more than a friend.Or the one where Isak is oblivious to Even’s true feelings about him, but fortunately it only takes the Christmas holidays to change that.





	1. Once bitten and twice shy

**Author's Note:**

> A massive thank you to Immy and Kit for setting up this challenge!! That prompt generator was too much fun! <3 <3 
> 
> My prompts for this challenge was: Setting – fake dating for the holiday, Trope to be included – caught under the mistletoe, Item to include – hot chocolate.
> 
> And this fic kinda spiraled from that. I still don’t understand why it’s this long…. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I hope you’re all ready for some overused tropes, because boy there’s plenty of those in this. ;)
> 
> Somehow, I managed to talk Kit into beta’ing this mess for me, and it wouldn’t be what it is without her help. Thanks, bb, I owe you big time!!! <3
> 
> This is all finished and ready, so I’ll post a new chapter tomorrow, and the last chapter the day after. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! :)

“I need to get fucking laid!” Isak says and passes the joint back to Even.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, man, or just…” Isak doesn’t continue because what he wants to say leaves him feeling too raw. He wants to say, _I need to be touched, I need someone to fucking hold me all night while stroking my hair. I need cuddles._

He’ll never say that out loud, though.

Even takes a hit of the blunt and looks at Isak through squinty eyes.

“If you want, I'll help you. You know I'm the best wingman.”

The thing is, Even really is. He's the _best_ wingman. He's pretty enough to easily catch the attention of whomever Isak's interested in, and he's so good at diverting their interest to Isak after that. Isak has gotten laid plenty of times because of Even.

But it’s been a while since he’s done that, and Isak doesn't quite know if sex would be enough tonight. So he just stays quiet.

They end up getting too high, but still go to the party Magnus suggested. Somehow Isak feels like they should know better than to go to a party Magnus of all people recommended, but here they are.

Isak is stuck to the couch. Completely shit-faced, just letting the party kind of happen around him. Like all the strength has been drained from his body, like he’s boneless. He has a beer in his hand, but it’s probably warm and stale by now, and he’s not sure when he last made an attempt to drink it.

He’s looking at Even.

He doesn’t normally spend his nights like this, just silently observing his best friend and roommate, but tonight is different. Tonight he’s watching Even making rounds at this party, talking to people, just being his charming self.

First of all, Isak doesn’t understand how Even can look and act so unaffected by all the weed they managed to smoke before they left when Isak is sitting here, a complete mess.

Second of all, and probably more important, Isak is having an epiphany. He’s looking at how free Even is with his touches. How he hugs people, touches them on the arm as they’re talking, how he puts his arm around their shoulders when he’s teasing them. Isak has never realized just how tactile Even can be.

Because the thing is, Even is not tactile with Isak. Like... at all.

Sure they’ll hug occasionally, but it’s always awkward and stilted. When they sit next to each other on the couch they never sit close enough that they accidentally bump into each other.

It’s a fucking revelation watching Even like this.

It also kind of hurts. What’s wrong with Isak that Even doesn’t want to touch him? Is he putting out some vibes that are scaring Even off?

Isak heart sinks. Even is the person in the world that knows Isak best. What does it say about him that Even doesn’t want to touch him? Or is afraid to?

Isak gets lost in the idea, his mind spiraling with thoughts of how disgusting he apparently is when he feels the sofa dip next to him.

He can feel how sluggishly he moves as he turns.

“What’s going on?” Mahdi asks in that totally chill way that he does.

This isn’t a fun high anymore. Isak’s skin is crawling and he’s this close to hyperventilating, so he’s grateful for the distraction that Mahdi provides.

“What are you looking at?” Mahdi asks. He doesn’t seem to expect an answer to his first question.

Isak doesn’t respond to this one either; just turns his head back towards Even.

Across the room, Even smiles at some dude with that blinding smile he has, leaving the guy completely dazed by the end of it. Even puts his arms around his shoulders, says something that makes the guy laugh and seeing Even like that makes Isak’s stomach churn.

It makes Isak confused, confused enough that he leans into Mahdi so he’ll be able to ask him without raising his voice too much.

“Why doesn’t Even ever touch me?”

It’s clear that Mahdi hears him, but he doesn’t answer. Instead, he goes still. Still enough that Isak turns his head to looks at him.

Mahdi looks angry. Isak can probably count on two fingers how many times he’s seen that before, so he’s caught off guard by it.

“Bro…” Mahdi says, frowning. Clearly unhappy with Isak.

Isak is so fucking confused. What’s going on? How can Mahdi be angry about that question?

“What?” he asks.

Mahdi just shakes his head, sighs in discontempt. Even through Isak’s haze, he’s very clear in conveying his unhappiness with Isak. Finally, after a few long seconds, he takes a deep breath that hisses through his teeth.

“Don’t be a fucking idiot,” he says, then stands, leaving Isak alone on the sofa.

Isak watches him go, bewildered.

What the fuck just happened?

\--||--

Almost a week later, Isak is on his way home from uni. He’s just had his last classes before the break and he's already fucking miserable. Everywhere he turns people are rushing by, looking a weird mix between stressed and relieved, and he feels so left out.

He doesn’t have to stress about whether he’ll have enough time to get everything done in time for Christmas or whether he has enough money and time to buy all the Christmas presents he needs. He finished his Christmas shopping ages ago, as he only has to buy gifts for his dad, his mom, Even, and Jonas.

Honestly, Isak is very close to hating Christmas.

He always gets so lonely during the holidays, as everybody else is busy with their families. Even always leaves the day after Christmas for a couple of days with his parents to go visit his extended family, leaving Isak all alone in the apartment.

He usually spends Christmas Eve with his parents, and it's stilted, and his parents pretend to still be friends for his sake. In turn, Isak pretends to be the loving son. It's exhausting and he's always happy when it's over.

Christmas Eve is no different from every other time he’s been with his parents; whether they’re together or separate, he’s always left completely drained, and Even is always the one to pick him up when he himself gets home from his own parents much later.

Even has always been a lifeline for Isak.

When they were kids, and Isak was confused about why people teased him because of his mom, Even would stand up for him. Back then, it was a powerful thing to have a kid a couple of years older than you defend you. When Isak came out, Even was there to help Isak through the initial fall out with his parents. Even has always been on Isak's side, always treated him like he was worth something.

There's no doubt that Even is his best friend.

Isak just couldn't imagine his life without him. He just knows it would be so much worse, so much bleaker. Especially now that they live together. A couple of years ago, when things at home had become unbearable, Even had known. Even was moving out for uni, and had invited Isak to share an apartment with him. Even had rescued him, because that’s just what he does.

Tonight, when Isak gets back to the apartment, he’s cold and tired. He just wants to go bury himself in his bed.

He stands in the doorway to his room for a few seconds, looking longingly at his bed, but in the end, he decides not to. Christmas Eve is only two days away, and he knows that he has to take full advantage of having Even to himself before he leaves. So instead he heads to the kitchen to get started on dinner.

When Even gets home, nose and cheeks red from the cold, hair a bit greasy, smelling of coffee, he takes one look at Isak stirring the pot of soup on the stove before he slumps in on himself.

“Jesus Christ! Thank you, Isak!”

He sounds so relieved and tired that Isak knows he made the right decision by not going to bed. Although he wouldn’t say so, Even is having a hard time as well, so it feels good to be able to help him, too.

Even is still getting over his break up with Sonja, even though it happened almost six months ago. He doesn’t really talk about it. All he told Isak was that they had drifted apart, and then had proceeded to get absolutely shit-faced. Isak isn’t sure how affected Even still is, except that he’s seemed quieter lately, less inclined to go out, and hasn’t hooked up with anybody else since.

It honestly baffles Isak. He liked Sonja, he really did. She was beautiful and nice and it was so obvious how much she and Even loved each other. They’d been together for so long that it kind of caught Isak by surprise when they broke up. He didn’t even know they were having problems.

But it’s over now, and it’s been over for a while, and Even is still like this. Isak doesn’t know what to do about it.

They end up eating in peace sitting opposite each other by their small kitchen table, knees bumping, barely speaking. It seems they’re both exhausted by the prospect of the next few days. Isak knows, though, that Even will snap out of it once he’s slept.

Even’s always loved Christmas, and he’s totally the one to blame for how much tinsel is in their apartment.

While they’re doing the dishes, Even asks him, “So you’re still coming with me to my grandmother’s for the 23rd, right?”

Isak wonders why Even is even asking him, but he just nods, pretends not to notice the strange nerves in Even’s tone. It’s become a tradition for him to go with Even as Isak doesn’t really have any family besides his parents, and they never have plans on the 23rd. Christmas Eve is more than enough, thank you.

They spend the rest of the night watching TV on separate couches and it’s easy and nice just being together like that. Sometimes Isak thinks that this is what he appreciates the most about their friendship: how good they are at just being together, quiet and at ease.

\--||--

Isak _loves_ Even’s paternal grandmother, Tove. She’s so lively and fun, and she has this way of making Isak feel like he’s part of the family. She always includes him, talks to him the same way she does to Even, and even has the same kind of expectations of him.

It gets to Isak in the best of ways and he always leaves with flushed cheeks and a smile on his face. He just can’t help it. The feeling she leaves behind in him stays with him for a while, helps him get through Christmas Eve with his parents.

Today is no different. He makes sure that he enters behind Even so he’ll take the brunt of Tove’s hello-attack, but somehow there’s always plenty left for Isak when she gets to him. She always gives these hugs that kind of hurt, but also feel so _good_.

“Let me look at you,” she says and Isak stands back so she can give him the obligatory once-over, and she _hmms_ and continues. “Are you really still growing? I swear it feels like you’ve gotten taller.”

Isak pretends to roll his eyes and huffs, but it’s unenthusiastic at best. Deep down, he absolutely loves it, basks in the attention. And it’s like she knows it because she always lingers longer with him than she does with Even.

“I swear that you’re going to end up just as tall as Even. And you just keep on getting more handsome!”

Isak’s are blushing by now and he looks at Even for help. Even just shrugs and smiles back at him, and Isak decides he doesn’t really like him anymore.

“I can’t believe Even hasn’t snatched you up yet,” she finishes and Isak frowns and looks at Even again. Even is looking at his grandmother with wide eyes, but his attention is torn from him as Even’s mom hisses _Tove_ angrily.  

Tove just smiles at him, seems pleased that she’s stirred up something, and then she waves her hand and says, “Yes, yes, okay. I’m done.”

She squeezes Isak’s arm in comfort before she turns around and heads for the kitchen, leaving Isak feeling so fucking left out and utterly confused.

Even and his parents all just stand there looking at each other for a few seconds, before they go after her, seemingly content with just ignoring everything. But Isak feels like something important just happened right under his nose, and it’s unsettling.

He tries to shake it off so he can enjoy the rest of the evening. But he finds that there’s now a weird tension between him and Even, and he hates that feeling even more.

He ignores the weirdness between them until it goes away, and by the end of the evening he’s completely stuffed on rice porridge and marzipan, warm and pink-cheeked from all the attention and love he’s been getting.

He knows Tove by now, though. Knows that she has a tendency to run right through people to get what she wants, so he should’ve been paying better attention. He only has himself to blame, really.

“Are you still going to visit Kari after Christmas?” she asks and it’s clear what she thinks about it.

Even’s dad rolls his eyes but tries to be subtle about it. Tove doesn’t really like when he does that.

“This year won’t be any different,” he ends up saying and he sounds so tired because everybody in that room know what kind of conversation will follow next.

Tove doesn’t really like Even’s mom’s family.

It’s not like they’re all bad. Or even mostly bad. But Even’s aunt and uncle, according to Even’s rants, are very religious, and they use that as an excuse to hate on almost anything.

Isak’s been around religion all his life and it still makes him apprehensive when people are like that.

Today, Tove surprises them all when she doesn’t go into a tirade about how horrible the family is, especially to Even, and instead winks at Isak as she talks.

“Have you considered bringing Isak this time?”

All the heads in the room snap to look at her and she just smiles that smile, the one that tells Isak that she’s about to do something. He’s afraid that something has to do with him.

“Well, you won’t have Sonja with you, so you’ll need someone else to fend off their attention, right Even?” she asks, and she sounds so innocent.

Isak’s hackles are up immediately.

“I’ve never been with Even to see Kari before.”

“All the more reason to,” Tove says like it’s a done deal.

Isak looks at Even, who doesn’t meet his eyes.

Something very weird is going on here, and Isak knows that he’ll have to talk to Even about it. He really doesn’t like feeling left out.

Since Tove has apparently decided that Isak is going, she’s done talking about it. She elegantly moves the conversation away from that topic and Even seems to latch onto it gratefully and talks louder and faster than he normally would for a while after.

Isak stays quiet though. If he didn’t know any better, it would almost feel like Tove is setting him up with Even. But that’s ridiculous. Even and Isak are only friends. They’ve never been anything else, never even come close.

Sure, Even may have played a small role in Isak’s discovery towards finding out he was gay, because of course Isak had eyes in his head, could see that Even was worth looking at. But there was never any chance for them to get together. Even was already with Sonja at that point, and it was clear to everybody how much he loved her.

So he pushed those feelings away, far, far away, totally out of reach, and there’s nothing left of it now. Just a deep bro-love for his best friend. A bit different than what he feels for Jonas, but still nowhere near romantic.

It’s impossible for him to think that it could be different for Even.

\--||--

They’re silent on the tram-ride home.

Isak is unsettled in a way he never is leaving Tove’s, and it’s frustrating. He knows that it’s going to kick him in the ass tomorrow when he’s celebrating Christmas with his parents, but right now there’s an even bigger problem.

He hates this weird tension between him and Even.

He doesn’t say anything before they’re home. He keeps expecting Even to say something, to be the one to break the silence and make Isak laugh. Like he always does. But Even is too quiet, like he’s too nervous to even talk.

Isak is shit with things like that. He’s far too direct to ease into the conversation he knows they have to have, and he wishes he could be a little less blunt about it. But that’s just not the way he does things.

“What was all that about, Even?” Isak finally just asks, making Even freeze on the spot.

He looks at Isak with wide eyes and he looks like he has to force himself to appear nonchalant.

“You know how she is,” he says and that’s not even close to an answer.

Isak squints at him, not quite ready to let it go, but not quite ready to push Even either. If he doesn’t want to talk about it now, Isak will let him. He knows that Even will come to him eventually like he always does.

“Are you worried about going up to Kari’s without Sonja?” Isak asks, and this time he makes sure that his tone of voice is much kinder.

Even shrugs, and okay, yeah. That answers Isak’s question.

“Why are you worried?” he asks.

Isak knows that Even is not excited to go spend time with his extended family. He always comes home ready to explode, ranting about how his aunt and uncle’s religion has turned them into bigots and homophobes, and how he can’t stand them. Even’s told him how he tries to stay low, doesn’t want to give them any more fodder for insults as his bipolar disorder is already something they’ve latched onto. Like somehow he’s a sinner for having a mental illness.

Isak hates them.

He’s never met them, but he hates them with the passion of a thousand burning suns. How anybody can try to extinguish the light that is Even is beyond him. He’s the brightest person Isak’s ever met.

Still, Isak has never seen Even appear _nervous_ about visiting his family before. He has always seemed a bit detached about it, in a way.

Even takes a deep breath and shifts on his feet. He’s not really looking at Isak and it’s been a while since Even has felt so far away from him.

Finally, Even starts to talk.

“Sonja is just normally so good at diverting attention away from me. They all love her, and it makes them focus on me less.”

Isak nods. “It’s a pity you don’t have a new girlfriend to bring,” he says smilingly, trying to ease the tension.

Even huffs. “Or a boyfriend. Can you imagine?” He laughs, and it’s small, but it’s the first genuine laugh Isak has heard from him in hours. It makes Isak smile too.

“Yeah, that would be awesome. Just to rub it in their faces,” Isak jokes along.

Even’s laughter dies out, while he looks at Isak in a weird way. A new way that makes Isak turn serious, too, without really knowing why.

“It’s a pity I can’t find a boyfriend on such short notice,” he says, staring into Isak’s eyes.

It makes Isak swallow. Makes his tongue too big for his mouth. Steals the words away from him.

He clears his throat, just to do something and then he says, “Yeah,” in a voice that makes it clear that he’s affected by the way Even is staring at him.

Isak has to look away. For some reason, he’s flushing a bit under Even’s gaze, and he hates his body for it.

“If you want…” Isak starts and he’s telling himself to stop even as he’s saying it because he doesn’t want to make things awkward between them. But apparently, he has no control over his mouth, as it just keeps speaking. “… I could come with you? And pretend to be your boyfriend?”

Isak wants to _die_. He wants to jump off a cliff. What the hell has he just offered to do?

Even looks at him in surprise, but he doesn’t look horrified. He ducks his head, looking so pleased, so happy that Isak has to bite his lip.

The look in Even’s eyes takes his breath away, makes him happy that he offered.

“You’d do that for me?” Even asks.

Surely he must know that there’s nothing Isak wouldn’t do for him.

“Yeah, sure,” Isak just says. No reason to make this any weirder. “From what you told me, it doesn’t seem like they’ll go easy on you regardless. So let’s just rub it in. Fuck it.” He shrugs and smiles, pretends to be blasé about it, even though his heart is beating so fast he’s afraid it might punch a hole through his chest.

Even smiles back, but it’s a strange smile. He shrugs as well. “Yeah, fuck it,” he says in a low voice, that almost sounds sad if Isak had to put a name to it.

It makes Isak hesitant, makes him wonder if it’s even something Even would want to do with him.

“Do you want me to?”

Even nods immediately, his smile growing a little bit bigger.

“Yes. I definitely want you there with me. As a boyfriend.”

Isak nods at him. He believes Even, he looks sincere. But there’s still a weird tension between them and Isak just doesn’t know how to make it go away.

It seems like Even doesn’t quite know either. He keeps standing there, looking at Isak like he expects Isak to say something more, something else. And once again Isak feels like he’s missing something. He stays there looking back at Even, raises his eyebrows as if to say _what?_ and Even sighs at him. He seems disappointed, but he just says goodnight and goes into his room. Shuts the door behind him.

Isak is left in the hallway, standing there like an idiot.

\--||--

The next day is Christmas Eve and it’s exactly as bad as Isak expected it to be.

He gets home much earlier than Even, collapses onto the sofa and turns on the TV with a sigh. He knows he’s not going to find anything good on there, TV on Christmas Eve is always utter crap. But he just can’t be bothered starting up Netflix, so he suffers through it.

He looks over at the small bag with the unwrapped gifts he’s brought home with him from his parents. There’s a couple of sweaters and some kitchen utensils in there, almost like his parents don’t quite know what to get him either. There’s also the gifts from Jonas and Even.

He’s still a bit dumbfounded about the gift from Even, though. He gets up to take it out of the bag and sits back down on the couch with it.

It’s a scarf.

Isak runs it through his fingers, feeling how soft and nice it feels against his skin. It’s glorious, probably the nicest scarf Isak’s ever had his hands on. It’s cashmere, and the same kind of burgundy red that his old scarf was, the one he lost a few weeks back at a party. Isak had complained like crazy about it, and Even had let him. Isak hadn’t realized that it had given Even an idea for his Christmas present.

Isak can’t help but wrap it around his neck, around the bottom of his face like he’s going outside. And he loves how soft it feels against his skin, loves it enough that he’s still wearing it when Even gets home a few hours later.

By this point, Isak’s only wearing a t-shirt, has gotten a bit too warm from wearing the scarf. But he doesn’t want to take it off.

Even smiles as soon as he sees Isak.

“You like it?” he asks, and Isak rolls his eyes at how obvious he is.

“A scarf, Even?” he asks instead, teasing him.

Even shrugs but his smile turns wider.

“You, ah… You look good in it,” Even says, with a slight uptick in his voice that he tries to hide by coughing.

Isak laughs, anything to stop himself from flushing at the way Even’s voice sounds saying that.

And just like that, the tension is back. Even keeps staring at him, eyes stuck on the redness of his cheeks against the scarf, and Isak’s not sure he likes the scrutiny.

He clears his throat, and in an attempt to change the topic he asks, “Did you like my gift?”

Even’ eyes find Isak’s again, and the tension clears a bit.

“Yeah,” he says and smiles. “It’s perfect.”

Isak had heard Even complain some time ago how he was almost out of pages in his notebook, so Isak thought he would appreciate a new one. He’d bought him a nice one with a leather cover, still green, like he prefers.

“Good. That’s… good.”

They look at each other again for a few long seconds, and Isak’s once again left with the feeling that Even is expecting him to say something. But he doesn’t have a fucking clue what.

“What are you watching?” Even finally asks, and goes to sit down next to Isak on the couch.

He’s too far away for them to touch, as usual, but this time Isak notices. Just how much of a distance Even always puts between them. It somehow feels bigger tonight than normal.

“Just some crap that’s on.” Isak shrugs and settles into the cushions, slouches as he tries to move a little bit closer to Even without him noticing.

Even might not notice, but he pulls up his legs and moves further away from Isak by doing that.

Isak spends the rest of the night scowling at the TV, wondering why he’s the great exception to Even’s friendly touches.

\--||--

The last thing Even says to him before they go to sleep much later is, “We leave at 10 tomorrow, my parents will pick us up.”

Isak swallows down the compulsion to ask him if he really wants him there, but Even must sense something is up.

“You still want to go, right?” he asks and Isak nods right away. Anything beats sitting home alone. And if he can help Even make those days bearable in any way? That’s just an added bonus.

As usual, Isak doesn’t get much sleep that night. He’s always had a weird relationship with sleep. He understands some of the reasons for it, knows that he always sleeps better after sex. It’s especially bad at the moment as it’s been a while since he’s had a one-night stand. He maybe gets around 3-4 hours of sleep on a good night, and the rest of the time he tries to keep quiet so he doesn’t disturb Even.

It’s a long night when his only company is his laptop and himself.

\--||--

Isak ends up sleeping almost all the way to Kari’s place. He takes the small space of the car as an excuse to lean into Even as he starts to doze off. He knows he’s purposely pushing Even, but he wants to show him that he can be touched, that he’s not off limits. It annoys the shit out of him that he’s somehow convinced Even that he doesn’t want to be touched. Or, at least, that’s the only explanation that makes sense to him.

He knows himself well enough to know he’s going to take advantage of the next few days, use the fake boyfriend-thing as an excuse to touch Even as much as he can. To show him that it’s okay for him to touch Isak.

And honestly, Isak is looking forward to it.

It feels amazing falling asleep against Even like this. Even feels warm and safe, and just so comfortable that Isak doesn’t even have to try. He just falls asleep in seconds, like it’s nothing, like he doesn’t normally have to do all these fucking exercises and counting sheep.

When he wakes up he’s still lying against Even, but it seems like he’s shifted in his sleep so that Even is leaning into him as well. Isak’s entire side is flush against Even’s and he wakes up feeling better than he has in a long time.

He always sleeps better when somebody’s touching him, or when he’s just been touched a lot, so this doesn’t really surprise him.

But it does surprise him how it feels different, with Even leaning up against him too. Isak stays there, takes advantage of the pressure of the body next to him, and lets himself settle back, sink into it.

If Even has noticed him waking up, he doesn’t say anything. He just lets Isak stay there without making a fuss of it, and Isak feels like that’s a victory.

\--||--

Isak is half asleep for the last part of the ride, just enjoying how good his body feels all pliant and warm and sleep-heavy, so he startles a bit when Even shifts against him and whispers, “Isak, we’re almost there.”

He sits up, finally leaves the comfort of Even’s body, and briefly catches Even’s mom’s eyes in the mirror. She’s looking at him knowingly, like she understands what he’s doing and Isak looks away quickly. He doesn’t like that, doesn’t like thinking that she’s somehow figured out that he’s tricking her son into touching him for purely selfish reasons. Even if it doesn’t look like it’s bothering her much.

“Are you sure about this, Isak?” she asks, and Isak just nods. He already agreed to this several times, has spent all this time in the car, he’s determined now to follow through. He really wants to do this for Even, something to show him just how much he means to him.

A few minutes later they drive up the driveway of a big house, and Isak tries to shake his nerves. He knows that they’re expected to sleep here, knows that Even has told his grandmother that he’s bringing someone so they’re going to share a room, but he’s not letting that information deter him.

He’s going to be the best fucking boyfriend Even’s ever seen, he’s going to make sure these fuckers don’t harass him.

Even’s mom parks the car, and as they get out it’s such a relief to be able to stretch his legs. His entire body is stiff from the long drive and from sleep, so it feels good to stand on the snow that has fallen since somebody last cleared the driveway.

He looks up at the house, feels a little bit intimidated by the size of this place. He knows that Even’s parents aren’t exactly poor, he himself has reaped the benefits of that several times growing up, but he never quite understood just how rich Even’s mom must be. Or her family, at least.

They take the bags from the car, but before they can reach the front door it opens. Before Isak can really prepare himself, out steps an attractive woman, who totally contradicts the image Isak had in his mind of her.

He’s heard about this woman all his life, heard about how much of a horror she can be, and how dear she holds Even (which he totally understands), but he’s never actually seen her.

Somehow he pictured her looking more like a regular grandmother. It’s not like she looks young, as such, but she definitely doesn’t look old. She almost looks regal, has her gray hair in a tight ponytail, not a hair out of order, her postured poised even as her demeanor is relaxed towards them.

She greets Even and his parents with open arms, clearly happy to see them. Embraces first Even’s mom in a heartfelt hug, and then Even’s dad. When she gets to Even she takes a long look at him, like she’s measuring him up, and then she pulls him in tight.

She’s much smaller than him, only reaches as far as his chest, but Isak can see how happy Even is to see her, as he puts his long arms around her and squeezes her back.

When they finally break apart, he takes a step back, and with a flourish with his arm, he says, “And this is Isak. My boyfriend.”

There’s a brief pause where she just looks at Even, but then she takes a step closer to Isak, pushes Even a bit aside so she can look at Isak, and Isak doesn’t know what to expect.

He’s suddenly very nervous, can feel his hands get clammy and he wants to wipe them on his jeans.

But the way she looks at him isn’t angry or annoyed. She looks at him like she’s sizing him up and isn’t completely unhappy with what she sees.

“So this is who you brought?” she asks, looking at Even and Even nods.

It’s hard to see, you’d have to know him well to see it, but for Isak, it’s obvious that Even is a little nervous too.

She smiles at Isak, and takes a step towards him, holding out her hand, saying, “I’m Kari.”

He takes it and as they shake, her smile widens.

“This is going to be so much fun!” she says and Isak smiles back to be polite, but can’t help but feel very uneasy.

This is not what he expected.

\--||--

Inside, they’re directed to their bedrooms, next to each other on the second floor. As they split up Even’s mom says, “No hanky-panky, we’ll be able to hear it,” and then Even’s parents laugh while Isak is dying.

He’s sure he’s as red as a beet, can’t help it, just the implication of what they’re saying makes him flush.

Isak and Even watch his parents go into their bedroom but don’t make any move to enter their own, standing frozen in the hallway. It’s suddenly awkward between them like Even has just realized what his mother meant.

When they finally shuffle into the room, Isak immediately notices how beautiful it is with large windows and a nice view. It has a door to a balcony and Isak can’t believe how overwhelmingly nice this house is.

The most noticeable thing, though, is the big bed. Fortunately, it’s a double, so there’ll be plenty of room for them, but the idea of sharing a bed with Even makes Isak’s mouth a little dry from nerves.

“I hope you don’t mind sleeping in the same bed?” Even asks and even though it makes Isak kind of jittery, he can’t help but roll his eyes.

“It’s a bit too late for that, isn’t it?” He’s smiling as he says it, tries to work past this stupid tension. He hates it.

Even smiles at him and it’s such a relaxing sight that Isak forgets his nerves, and throws his bag down by the left side of the bed.

“This is my side,” he says, just throws himself on it to test it out, and he lies there watching Even slowly and meticulously unpack his bag.

Even is almost done by the time Isak gets up to put the one nice dress-shirt he brought on a hanger, so it won’t wrinkle too much, and then he asks, “So what’s the deal now? Do we go downstairs or stay here, or what?”

“We go downstairs, the rest of the family must be eager to meet us. Meet you.” Even winks at him, making Isak flush a little again.

Even’s parents knock on the open door just minutes later. Isak looks up at them Even’s mom makes a funny face and says, “Showtime!” and it makes Isak feel at ease immediately.

She has the same ability as Even does to always make Isak laugh. It’s uncanny.

\--||--

A short time later Isak has been properly introduced to Even’s maternal side of the family. His hand is tingling from shaking so many hands and he’s been told so many names there’s just no way he can remember them all. There must be 30 people here, including kids, and Isak is overwhelmed. It seems like most are friendly though.

He keeps close to Even, never leaves his side, tries to play his role to perfection. He’s anxious to meet Even’s aunt and uncle that he’s heard so much about. Apparently, they’re the last to arrive, though, coming just as Isak is done being introduced to all the people in the room.

Isak and Even are standing a bit to the side, not really touching, more like showing intimacy, and Isak is so aware of everything going on in the room. Completely ready to act as a shield for Even.

Even’s aunt and uncle arrive in chaos, rushing in with three kids in tow, loud and smiling and bubbly, and so different from what Isak imagined. They go through the room, greeting people, one by one and they look happy and at ease while doing it.

But the happy smiles fall when they reach Even and Isak.

Even gets an awkward hug, and it’s easy to see how different it is from the rest. Isak immediately steps close to Even, throws an arm around Even’s waist and puts out his hand.

“Hi, I’m Isak, Even’s boyfriend.” He notices how the smiles stiffen on their faces, but they keep up the pretense of being pleased to meet him.

His aunt shakes his hand and introduces herself and her husband. “I’m Ingrid, and this is Mats.”

Isak smiles at them while making sure that Even knows that he’s there, tightens his grip on Even’s side, and he can feel Even exhale from it. Good. That’s the purpose of him being there. It doesn’t matter how uncomfortable he is himself, what’s important is that he can help Even through this.

They quickly move on, and Even and Isak stay close like that for a while, just talking and catching up with the different members of the family. It’s clear for Isak to see that Even really enjoys spending time with most of them.

Yet Isak can feel the glances being cast their way, knows that they are under the scrutiny of Ingrid at least and it doesn’t take her long to come back to them. She’s standing too far away to be polite, but so close that there’s really no doubt that she’s talking to them.

“So, where’s Sonja?” she asks and takes a sip of her glass of non-alcoholic cider, tightening her eyes at them.

Even clears his throat and answers. “We broke up. I’m with Isak now.”

She takes a long look at Even, doesn’t really look at Isak. She’s just about to open her mouth, just about to say something that Isak is sure will hurt like hell, he can feel how rigid Even gets under his hand, but they’re interrupted by Kari, who shows up just in time.

“Dinner is ready,” she says and smiles.

Isak can feel Even exhale in relief and Isak pulls him back a bit, makes sure that they stay behind before he leans into Even.

“Are you alright?” he whispers.

Even looks at him for a while, lets his eyes roam Isak’s face and then he puts his hand on Isak’s waist as well.

“I’m really happy you’re here,” he says and Isak doesn’t think he’s ever heard that tone of voice from Even before. He sounds so sincere that it’s close to breaking Isak’s heart.

“Of course!” he says back, softly, and he definitely means it.

\--||--

Dinner passes by uneventfully. They’re all seated around a huge table in a beautiful old room that Isak can’t help staring at, and they’re sitting far away from Ingrid and Mats. Isak gets a chance to talk to some of Even’s other relatives, and he’s actually enjoying himself.

He makes sure that he’s constantly touching Even in some way, and he can see that Even is getting flushed from it. But it doesn’t seem like he minds, so Isak continues to do it.

The skin on his hand tingles from where he’s made contact with Even and the side closest to Even feels warmer. He’s soaking up how good it feels to touch somebody, how good it feels with skin against his, even if it’s only Even’s.

Isak is exhausted by the time they go to bed. He can’t remember the last time he spent so long just talking to new people, worried about making a good impression. Constantly thinking about how he’s standing and how he’s touching Even.

Even has been more quiet than normal, has been letting Isak do more of the talking than he normally would, and Isak has been happy with taking the lead.

After a little bit of awkward shuffling, they’re lying in the bed, side by side in t-shirts and briefs. And even though Isak is really tired, he still feels like he has to check in with Even.

“Are you alright with me touching you?” he asks and Even huffs.

“Of course. We’re boyfriends, remember?” he answers.

Isak doesn’t really like his tone of voice, but he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do about it.

“If you don’t want me to, I’ll stop.” He turns over to his side, faces Even, just to let him know how much he means it.

Even exhales, slow and loud.

“I know you will, Isak,” Even says and turns to the side as well so they’re facing each other.

“I just have to tell you that I’m really enjoying it,” Isak starts, but he’s feeling vulnerable telling Even this.

Even’s eyebrows go up and he has a small smile on his lips that he licks away. He moves a couple of centimeters closer to Isak and whispers, “Yeah?”

Isak nods. “Yeah, it’s been so long since I touched anybody like that, it’s just good to be able to.”

Even’s face falls a bit, for just a second, but it’s gone so quickly that Isak isn’t sure he imagined it.

“Oh,” Even says and looks away from Isak. “That’s good,” he continues and takes a deep breath. “Then I definitely don’t mind. I don’t want you to feel like that.”

Isak smiles at him, but he can feel his eyelids start to droop. He drifts off while Even looks at him with attentive eyes.

Isak can’t remember the last time he fell asleep that easy.

\--||--

Isak wakes up in increments, so comfortable it’s hard for him to let go. He’s just so warm and relaxed, and he just knows that he’s slept through the night, which is a thing he hasn’t done in a long, long time.

He makes a pleased sound and buries down into the mattress further, and that, in turn, makes him realize that he’s completely surrounded by a body.

He’s being spooned.

Like seriously spooned, an entire body against his back, their legs completely entangled, an arm around his waist, a hand against his chest. He even feels breathing against his neck.

He doesn’t worry about it. Lets himself relax against all that touch, against the way his skin tingles from it, how warm and good and relaxed he feels. It takes him longer than it should to remember that the person surrounding him is _Even_.

He freezes. He’s landed himself right smack in the middle of a struggle with that realization. He can’t figure out whether he should try to extricate himself from Even, because Even is his friend, and probably wouldn’t like it if he knew Isak had taken advantage of him like this, or whether he should stay and just soak up all the skin-on-skin contact he’s getting.

It’s probably the reason why he’s slept so well. He just feels so safe here, relaxed in a way he hasn’t been in forever, and that’s enough to make him a bit selfish.

He closes his eyes and forces himself to relax in Even’s embrace. He stays.

He wakes up again when Even starts to stir. He’s surprised that he managed to fall asleep again, but he’s dazed enough from the rest that it just seems natural when Even pulls him closer. He lets Even, is pliant enough to just lie there against his body.

This time he doesn’t freeze until he feels Even does. One moment they’re lying there warm and soft and relaxed, and the next Isak has a rigid Even against his back, making a panicked sound. He has to stop Even, has to make sure that he knows that he hasn’t done something to Isak that he wouldn’t want.

“I’m awake, don’t freak out,” he says, voice rough from sleep, but he can feel Even relax slowly behind him like he can’t believe that Isak really means what he’s saying.

Still, the calmness is gone. Even remains tense behind him, his hand against Isak’s chest fidgeting like he’s not sure what to do with it.

“I can’t believe I slept through the night,” Isak adds and burrows deeper into the pillow.

Even makes a sound behind him, like he’s surprised by it too. “You did?”

Isak _hmm_ s happily in response and he can feel how that makes Even relax even more.

“Well, I guess we’ve found an easy fix to your problem then,” he says and tightens his grip on Isak once more.

Yeah. It seems they have.

\--||--

Breakfast is a slow, lazy process. It’s filled with people enjoying themselves, kids running to and from the table, leaving half-eaten cinnamon-buns behind, and Isak sits there and enjoys all the bustle. There are so much noise and life, and although he expected to hate it, he kind of doesn’t.

He’s still stuck in this daze, still feels so warm and good from being touched this much, from having had a full night’s sleep. It’s making him look at Even in a different light.

It’s making him look at him.

Isak sits there, ankles crossed underneath the table and a coffee cup warming his hands, taking in how his best friend sitting next to him is the one all the kids go to, the one all the adults address with some funny comment. He sits there and watches Even light up, joke around and pull one kid after another onto his lap.

It’s not the first time he’s seen Even around his family. But he’s never seen him quite like this.

He finds himself looking at how big Even’s hands are, how he’s holding onto two squirming kids on his lap with one hand while he drinks from his glass of juice with his other. Isak’s never quite noticed that before.

He tears his eyes away from Even and looks around the table again. He notices Even’s mom looking at him over the rim of her coffee cup and she’s smiling at him in that knowing way. Isak smiles back confused, but he can’t not smile back at her.

She nods at Even while looking at Isak and Isak looks back at Even just in time to catch him blowing a raspberry on one of his niece’s cheeks and Isak can’t help but widen his smile. Even with kids is a nice sight, which is probably why he’s feeling warm in his stomach from watching it.

When he manages to look back at Even’s mom, she’s just smiling even more, and that makes him blush. He hides it under his own coffee cup and tries to pretend it didn’t happen.

The mood changes a bit as Ingrid comes into the room with her kids. He can see Even sit up a bit straighter in his chair, and it annoys Isak to no end that he’s so affected by this woman. He just casually takes Even’s hand in his, although nobody will probably notice as it’s hidden by the table, he wants Even to know that he’s there for him.

He’ll always be there for him.

Even looks at him with a grateful smile and tightens his grip on Isak’s hand a bit. Isak just smiles back. Yeah, he’s got his back. He won’t let them affect this playful, happy side of Even.

\--||--

The rest of the morning goes by uneventfully. Everybody is lazing around, just getting reacquainted with each other and Isak is in touch-heaven. Even is constantly close to him, constantly has a hand on his thigh, on his hand, an arm around his shoulder. It’s like Even has finally decided to give in to it, and Isak can feel his entire body come alive.

It’s amazing how much a little touch can do when you’re not really used to it.

Isak walks around with a goofy smile on his face, probably looks so much the part he wants to play that he doesn’t even have to fake looking in love. He knows his cheeks are tinted with red and he has this dazed look about him. Every time he looks at himself in a mirror he sees it.

Even has even touched it a few times, has let his thumb run over the warmth on Isak’s cheekbones, and it’s made Isak feel all mushy inside every single time.

It’s good.

Isak is sure that they’re making it very easy to believe they’re really together for everybody there.

In the early afternoon they go upstairs to dress for the birthday/Christmas lunch they’re actually there for. It’s Kari’s birthday and Even happily talks Isak through his family’s traditions.

“It’s weird, but it’s been like this forever, okay?” he says while he’s struggling with his tie in front of the mirror.

Isak buttons his shirt, looking at Even to show him he’s listening.

“So we have a normal Christmas lunch first, and when we’re done we all dance around the Christmas tree and then the kids get gifts from Santa.” Even doesn’t look at Isak while he says it, but he’s smiling. It’s clear to Isak that this is a tradition that Even enjoys.

“You dance around the Christmas tree again?” Isak asks incredulously. He’s never heard about anybody doing that after the 24th.

“Yeah,” he says. “Apparently, my great-grandmother thought it was a waste of tree to only dance around it once, so that’s just what we’ve always done. And my grandmother knows Santa,” he stops here and throws Isak a significant look that makes Isak snort. “So he brings her presents she can give to the kids.”

“Of course he does,” Isak laughs.

“This is a very important part of being in this family, Isak. That you can pretend like this is normal and not out of the ordinary at all, okay?” Even is finally looking at him through the mirror completely, seemingly done with his tie. He has this delicious smile on his face that Isak kind of wants to touch. Isak can’t stop looking at him.

Even looks good dressed up like that.

He can see how Even is looking at him as well, how his eyes are gliding up his body like he’s thinking the same thing. Even’s eyes stop on his lips, stay there for a bit longer than they should and Isak licks them out of instinct. When Even finally looks him in the eye, there’s a fire there that wasn’t there a few seconds ago.

Isak doesn’t quite understand why he keeps having to remind himself that this is Even, that it doesn’t really mean anything. In order to break up the weird tension suddenly in the room, he holds out his tie.

“Do you mind helping me with this?”

That doesn’t help.

Even stands close to him while he ties the tie. Isak tries to look somewhere else, tries not to let his gaze linger on Even, but he can’t help himself. Even appears so concentrated, his tongue peeking out at the side of his mouth, eyes focused on whatever his hands are doing. Isak’s skin prickles with it, being under Even’s scrutiny like this.

It’s a heady feeling to have all of Even’s attention on him.

In a way, Isak feels like he should be used to it after all these years of being close, of being best friends, but it’s clear that he’s not. He’s just really not.

He’s so confused about how his body is reacting to being so close to Even. It’s so different from how he feels when he’s hooking up, it’s like his body knows that this is more, this is someone he actually cares for, and that makes it feel like more somehow.

He fights the shivers Even’s small, unintentional touches induce in him, hopes that Even won’t notice it. He’s never been quite this embarrassed by how his body is reacting to touch as he is right now.

It's just touching. It’s just Even. And yet...

When Even is done, he pulls at the tie to settle it into place and steps back, like nothing happened, like he didn’t just make Isak flush all over.

“There,” he says and just smiles at Isak before he turns around to look for his shoes.

Isak has to take a moment, has to take a couple of deep breaths and count to ten slowly before he even tries to say, “Thanks.” Before he’s sure that his voice will hold.

Luckily, it doesn’t seem like Even notices anything is wrong, so Isak just pretends like nothing is, and goes to put his shoes on, tool.

Fake it till you make it, right?

They leave their room just as Even’s parents do. They look so nice and they immediately start to gush over Isak and Even. Isak feels warm from all the compliments, from how included he is in Even’s family, from Even’s hand constantly in his.

The lunch goes by fast, a blur of cozy atmosphere and easy small talk, and it’s such a surprise to Isak how comfortable he is here. He had expected to be on the warpath, constantly having to defend Even, but it seems that Ingrid has backed off. She’s barely said two words to them since they arrived, and Isak is quite alright with that. Kind of wants to keep it that way.

After lunch, they all get up, help clear the table and move it out of the way so that they can dance around the Christmas tree. Isak’s never tried anything like it. Hell, it’s been a long time since he’s even danced around the tree on Christmas Eve, as it’s only him and his parents and they seemed to have decided that he was too old for it a few years ago.

So to stand here, surrounded by so many smiling, happy people, all starting to hold hands to make a ring around the tree just overwhelms him a bit. Makes him realize just how alone he really is.

Even must sense his mood, as he squeezes his hand a bit harder and bumps into his shoulder, smiling. Isak smiles back, but he’s sure it doesn’t really reach his eyes.

Nothing could have prepared him for what kind of show it is having 30 people trying to agree on which song to sing first and how many verses of each song they should sing. He can’t help but smile again, but his insides clench uncomfortably. He’s never quite realized just how much he’s been missing out on by not having a big family. Or much family at all, really.

It isn’t until the kids start complaining, wanting to get to the part with the presents that Kari cuts through, and ends up deciding which song to sing. The way she does it makes Isak think that this is exactly how it happens every year.

They start singing, slowly walking around the tree to the rhythm of the song and Isak joins the best he can, even though he hardly remembers the words to any of the songs. He keeps throwing glances at Even, feeling his sadness disappear slowly at how unabashedly happy Even looks. Like this is his favorite thing. And knowing him, it probably is.

Isak lets himself get sucked into the good mood and finds himself singing along to the carols louder and louder with everybody else. By the end, he’s laughing and gesturing, and he’s feeling happier than he’s been in a long, long time. Even looks at him with bright eyes, and Isak basks in it.

It’s not until they’re done and everybody is sitting down, letting the kids find the gifts from Santa underneath the Christmas tree that Even lets go of his hand. He’s pouring coffee for them, one cup at a time, but Isak’s hand tingles and he’s fighting the urge to reach out and touch Even in another way.

He realizes that he could, that nobody here would bat an eye. But he needs to not get so attached, needs to not get too used to being able to touch. They’re only here for a short time, somehow he’ll have to figure out how to stop wanting to touch Even by the time they go home.

Isak ends up talking to one of Even’s uncles who’s working in a protein lab, and it’s so interesting that he’s lost to everything else in a matter of seconds. It’s not until Even comes up to him, puts his hand on Isak’s arm and says, “My grandmother is opening her presents.” that Isak realizes that he has an act to keep up.

“Okay, baby, I’ll be right there,” he says and flushes at how he just casually used that endearment. Even freezes for a long second, eyes wide, before he pulls back and clears his throat.

“Right. I’ll just…” and he points over his shoulder and Isak has never seen Even leave a conversation quite so clumsily before. It’s cute. And he really shouldn’t be thinking that about his best friend, but it _is_.

He finishes his talk with Even’s uncle but his concentration is shot, and he’s not entirely sure what they’re even talking about anymore. He’s eager to go find Even, to go see if he’s somewhere where he can just slip his hand into his, and Even’s uncle seems to sense Isak’s distractedness.

“Go find your man,” he says with a big smile on his face and Isak does without hesitation.

He finds Even standing against a doorframe in the living room watching his grandmother unpack her gifts. The living room is filled with people, all seats are taken and Even isn’t the only one standing up. It seems that Isak is a little late as some of the presents are already unwrapped, but he goes up to Even and puts an arm around him.

“Hey,” he whispers as he leans into Even, and Even smiles at him as he says _hey_ back and shuffles to make room for Isak next to him.

It shouldn’t feel this good to stand here like this, it shouldn’t feel so _right_. But it undeniably does, and Isak has to swallow hard at that thought.

He’s lost enough in his head that he doesn’t realize that somebody is talking to them. He looks to Even to see what he’s missed and he’s surprised to find Even blushing.

“What?” he asks intelligently, just suddenly really curious as to what could’ve been said to make Even red like that.

Kari smiles a smile full of mischief, and Isak’s curiosity is suddenly converted to hesitance. Nothing good can come of that kind of smile, he’s sure.

“You’re standing under the mistletoe. You have to kiss now,” she says and points to something over their head.

Isak looks up and finds that yes, somehow they’ve managed to place themselves under the only mistletoe in the house.

He looks around, notices everybody watching them, notices how they’re all agreeing with Kari, lovingly teasing them if they’re afraid to kiss. Isak skips looking at Even’s parents, just can’t bear to see what they must be thinking of him right now.

He finally looks at Even, tries to gauge his reaction to this. Even turns to him, and it’s clear that they’re really going to do this. They’re really going to kiss.

It’s weird having all these people look at them while they do this. Isak tries to focus on Even, tries to forget about the prying eyes and Even’s parents looking as well.

Even looks nervous, and Isak doesn’t want him to. It’s just a kiss, right? They can totally do this, they’ve known each other forever, this is nothing.

So Isak reaches out, puts his hand on Even’s waist to settle him, to let him know that he’s there with him and Even opens his mouth a little bit, just parts his lips.

Isak can’t help it. His eyes are drawn to Even’s lips, and he’s never seen them like this before. He’s never quite noticed just _how_ big and full they are, shiny from spit and Isak _wants_. It’s a visceral need, something he can’t fight, so he doesn’t.

He leans in, carefully, slowly, takes charge of the kiss as it seems that Even is just stuck there. Pulls Even in closer as he’s stepping into Even, putting them flush up against each other. It’s a good feeling to have Even covering him like that. Isak’s never thought about it before, just how it would feel like in broad daylight, but his skin tingles at every point of contact, and it’s so overwhelming that Isak gets dazed from it instantly.

He knows his eyelids are drooping, his own mouth is opening, and he feels like he could stand here like this for hours. Just touching Even.

Even’s eyes fall to Isak’s lips and he puts his own arm around Isak’s back. Isak hums in satisfaction, there’s just no way he can keep in that sound when it feels so good, and that makes Even lean in.

When Isak can feel Even’s breath against his lips he notices how Even closes his eyes in anticipation just moments before Isak does, and then Even’s lips are on Isak’s.

At first, it’s tentative, just lips against lips, like Even is holding back, and Isak really doesn’t want him to do that. It’s so good to be surrounded by Even like this, and Isak just wants more. He forgets about the eyes on them, forgets about the situation and tilts his head to get _more_.

Even sighs, a small sound lost between them and just like that the kiss turns dirtier. That sound reverberates in Isak, makes him lose control a little more and he opens his mouth to lick at Even’s lips. Even opens to him immediately, and the touch of Even’s tongue against his makes Isak’s whole body light up, makes him feel things in places he didn’t even know could feel anything.

Isak is lost to it, is lost to how good Even tastes, smells, feels, and his entire body vibrates with want and need. He has no idea of how long it’s been, doesn’t even want to think about stopping, just wants to go deeper, to feel Even’s breath speed up and his body goes pliant under his fingers.

And it’s exactly that thought that makes him stop, because _whoa_! This is Even. This is his best friend. He’s not supposed to have that kind of reaction to kissing him, so Isak slows down the kiss, doesn’t pull back abruptly, but leaves it like he normally would. The last thing to pull apart is their lips and Isak stops when he’s far enough to see Even again, and just takes him in.

Even’s cheeks are flushed, his lips are spit-slick and so goddamn inviting that it leaves Isak confused. Even’s slowly opening his eyes as well, and he looks into Isak’s eyes the moment he can.

Isak almost swallows his tongue.

The way Even looks at him, so vulnerable and raw and with so much desire, it takes his breath away.

What the hell just happened?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was two out of three prompts out of the way, more to come! :)
> 
> I hope to see you all here again tomorrow! :)


	2. I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning before going into this chapter. There's some discussion here about homosexuality and religion. It's brief but it's there. If this is something that bothers you, consider yourself warned. <3
> 
> Other than that, enjoy! :)

Isak can’t believe he just kissed Even.

He takes a step back, still within reach of Even, but he’s looking at Even with wide eyes and Even stares back at him like he’s seeing the same things in Isak’s eyes. Isak doesn’t quite know what to do with it. He’s fighting his instinct to just dive back in, to just keep on kissing him and he’s so goddamn confused about how he’s reacting that he’s just frozen there.  

It’s not until somebody clears their throat and says, “Yeah, okay, we get it, you’re in love,” that Isak feels like their surroundings register with him again. Just like that they’re not alone in this little intimate bubble of them and their first (first?) kiss.

Suddenly they’re back in Kari’s living room, surrounded by Even’s relatives and Isak feels himself flush from head to toe. He just tongue-kissed Even in front of all these people.

Isak shakes his head a bit, just to clear it, because what is he even thinking?

He pulls back completely, takes a brief glance around the room just to notice how everybody is staring at them, with various expressions ranging from disgust to fondness.

He feels himself flush for other reasons. For a moment, he hates that they just put on a show for these people, but Even squeezes his side in reassurance, bringing Isak’s focus back to him instead. Even smiles at him, looking positively gleeful, and Isak can’t help smiling back.

Even’s smiling is just so contagious, especially when he’s looking at Isak like that. It makes it easy to forget they have an audience.

Even leans into him, and Isak tilts his head so Even can get closer to his ear.

“Good one, _baby_ ,” he whispers.

And yeah, Isak has to work really hard at suppressing the full body shiver that threatens to take him over from those three words. He’s not sure he succeeds, but it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t fucking matter, because his blushing cheeks give him away anyway.

The rest of the afternoon passes by in a blur. It’s not that Isak isn’t enjoying himself, it’s just that his mind is everywhere, his body is acting ridiculously. It’s like he’s off-kilter, like he somehow morphed into this other Isak, who’s uncertain and doubts everything, every little interaction with Even, every glance. Every touch.

For the life of him, he can’t quite remember how many people he’s talked to, or even really what they’ve been _doing_ for the rest of the afternoon, he’s just so lost in his mind.

Even seems to realize that something is different with Isak, because he sticks close to him, shooting him worried looks from time to time. Isak almost wishes Even would just leave him alone. He needs to be alone. He needs to clear his mind and make his body calm down.

When he’s finally able to escape using the bathroom as an excuse, he stands in front of the mirror looking at himself for a long time. He almost doesn’t recognize the person he sees there. Flushed cheeks, wide eyes. He really does look like somebody in love. But this is Even. Even!

He needs to get a grip on himself. Needs to shake it off and get himself together.

He throws some cold water on his face, rolls his shoulders a few times to ease the tension building there, and then he leaves the comforting solitude of the bathroom again.

He glances into the living room looking for Even, but he can’t see him there. He checks the next room over as well, but there’s no sign of Even until he’s close enough to the kitchen to hear voices.

As soon as he recognizes them he hurries a bit more. It’s Even and Ingrid, and Isak has a bad feeling about it from the tone of her voice.

He stops in the doorway, takes in the scene in front of him, cautiously trying to decide whether to come to Even’s aid. Even certainly looks uncomfortable, but he doesn’t look distraught, so Isak hangs back, making sure they don’t notice him there.

“So what are you up to these days?” she asks and her tone of voice is already grating on Isak’s nerves.

“I’m still at uni,” Even answers and Isak is amazed that he can sound so unaffected.

“Oh, you still manage to do that despite your...” She pauses here, leans into Even and mock whispers the next word. “… _disease_?”

Isak flushes in anger at the way she says it and he can see how Even’s smile falters. It still stays on his face though.

“Yeah, no problem,” he answers. Which is not entirely true, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“Why aren’t you with Sonja anymore? I really liked that girl,” she proceeds to ask, with absolutely no sense of decorum. Isak clenches his teeth not to butt in.

Even shrugs. “We fell out of love with each other. And then I fell in love with Isak instead.”

“Your _boyfriend_?” she asks with clear disdain in her voice.

Even doesn’t take the bait though, proceeds like she’s just another aunt, and Isak kind of loves that about him. That he doesn’t let her rile him up.

“Yes, we live together.”

“You _live_ together?” Her eyes are wide, and there’s just no way to misunderstand her disbelief. She leans into Even a bit like she’s about to share a secret with him.

“Even, I will pray extra hard for you now.” She puts her hand on Even’s arm in pity and it makes Isak’s skin crawl to see her touching Even like that.

Without giving it much thought Isak steps into the room, towards Even and puts his arm around his waist.

“Hey babe, what’s going on?” he asks and gives Even a wet, unmistakable kiss on the cheek.

He doesn’t miss how that makes her scrunch her face in disgust and he can’t help but place himself in front of Even a bit.

“You’re that aunt who’s really religious, right?” he asks her, and she nods.

Isak’s been around these righteous people all his life, has been mocked by them plenty of times, knows how they seek refuge and excuses in the Bible. It seems like this lady is no exception.

“I’m strong in my faith,” she says and actually sounds like she believes it herself.

“Then you know what the Bible says about loving other people, right?” he says in a sweet voice. Again she nods, doesn’t know yet that she’s talking to someone who actually knows. “Do you take everything the Bible says as the truth?”

She shifts her feet and rolls her eyes at that. “Oh no, you’re not going to give me that silly quote where it says that you’re not supposed to wear mixed types of fabrics, are you?”

Isak can’t help but squint and he tilts his head a bit. “I just don’t understand how you choose what parts of the Bible are the truth and what are just silly?”

That takes her by surprise, makes her quiet for a few long seconds, but then she retaliates.

“You’re just saying that because you’re gay, and God condemns you for it.”

“Does he?” Isak says and squeezes Even’s hand a bit. Just to show him he knows what he’s doing.

“Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin,” she quotes and looks so despicably smug that Isak wants to chew her up.

“Beloved, let us love another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and know God.”

He can see that his quote has an effect on her, she’s flushing and she’s definitely not smiling anymore. Good. He has plenty more like this, this is not the first time he’s had this conversation.

“Neither the sexually immoral nor men who have sex with men will inherit the kingdom of God.”

“You left out quite a few other groups in that quote, do you want me to help you out?” he asks and makes sure to sound really condescending about it. “Neither the sexually immoral _nor idolaters_ _nor adulterers_ nor men who have sex with men _nor thieves_ …” She interrupts him before he can continue.

“Being gay is a sin!” She spits out the last word like it’s the ultimate truth.

“There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you- who are you to judge your neighbor?”

He pulls Even into his side a bit, can feel him shake under his arm, and he glances at him to see how he’s doing. As soon as he does, it’s clear that Even is amused by this display, that he’s shaking with repressed laughter. It makes him go for the kill, makes him turn back to Ingrid and it’s obvious she’s fuming with anger by now.

“A very smart person once told me that hate doesn’t come from religion, it comes from fear. And it seems to me that you must be a very scared woman.”

Without giving her a chance to respond he just looks at Even. “Come on, baby. Let’s get out of here,” and Even just nods and follows him out of the kitchen. Isak tries really hard not to look at Even, can see that Even is about to fall apart from laughter any second and he wants them to leave on a high note.

They don’t look back at Even’s aunt, but he’s pretty sure that she’s never going to be his friend after this. And that’s perfectly alright with Isak.

Isak starts heading towards the living room but Even changes direction, starts pulling him towards their bedroom and as soon as they’re in there with the door is closed, Even breaks into loud laughter.

“I’ve never experienced anything as rewarding as that,” he manages to say after a few minutes while clutching his stomach. “She’s such a bitch!”

And seeing that, seeing Even like this after that horrible woman has had him in her clutches makes it all worthwhile. He doesn’t care how confused he is, or how his body is deceiving him. This, this is all worth it.

He’s done exactly what he came here to do, and it’s the best feeling in the world being able to have Even’s back like that.

He sits on the bed with a stupid smile on his face, laughing from seeing Even laughing that hard, and yeah. This. This is enough.

He really doesn’t need any more than this.

\--||--

The rest of the evening passes by uneventfully. Ingrid stays as far away from them as she can and Even smiles at Isak every time he notices her glancing their way. It seems like Even has an even harder time keeping away from Isak after that, constantly holding his hand and not seeming to want to let him go.

And that’s fine with Isak. So, so fine. Like it’s really any trouble on his behalf staying close to Even.

Kari makes her famous hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows on top, and Even looks at him mesmerized as he tastes. It’s such a concoction that he’s not really sure how he’s supposed to drink it without getting whipped cream everywhere, but looking around it’s easy to see how that’s apparently supposed to happen. He gives into it, takes a sip to taste it, and the second the rich flavor of chocolate explodes on his tongue he’s hooked.

He ends up drinking three and it nearly kills him.

When they go to bed, he’s so full that he’s whining and complaining, but Even’s just not having it.

“I told you it was a bad idea to have the third,” he says smilingly as he starts to unbutton his shirt. Isak just lies star-fished on the bed, moaning.

“I know, okay? But they were just so _good_.”

He clutches his stomach and he’s sure that he can feel it bulge a bit.

“Get up, I need to go to sleep,” Even pulls at his arm, tries to get him up, but Isak just moans at it.

“No, don’t make me move,” he whines, making Even laugh. “I swear, I’ve put on 5 kilos these last few days, the food’s just been so good.”

Even looks at him fondly. “Yeah, well. Maybe you could use a bit of fattening up.”

Isak grunts at him, making his smile turn wider.

In the end, it’s that goddamn smile that makes him get out and get ready for bed.

He returns to bed, in a t-shirt and briefs, and Even is already lying there waiting for him. He lifts the corner of the duvet, inviting him into bed and Isak is suddenly wracked with nerves.

Isak slides into place under the covers and Even just reaches for him like it’s completely natural and _easy_. Isak swallows hard but lets himself be pulled towards Even, lets Even wrap himself around him so they’re spooning again with Isak as the little spoon. He’s not used to that, he’s normally the tallest one, and somehow that makes all the boys think of him automatically as the big spoon. But there’s a certain comfort in being wrapped up in Even like this.

The only problem with Even touching him is that he can’t help but think about the kiss. Suddenly it just comes back to him in full force, how it was, how perfect Even’s lips and tongue had felt, and Isak has to cough to cover the sound almost slipping from him.

Even just pulls him to him tighter, until it’s almost too much and somehow that makes Isak’s dick twitch.

Isak is mortified.

He’s lying in bed with his best friend, thinking about kissing him, with his dick paying attention.

What the fuck is he doing?

He somehow manages to fall asleep like that, more confused than ever, but still safer and more content than he ever remembers being.

\--||--

He wakes up slowly again the next morning. It’s such a nice contrast from the way he normally startles awake, just one minute sleeping, the next minute fully alert.

He stretches his body a bit, rubs it against the mattress. He feels so good from all that sleep.

He can feel how hard he is, though, and he’s just about to grab himself and start the morning off even better when he realizes that Even is beside him. He realizes that because Even nuzzles further into his side and makes the most adorable grunting sound.

Isak turns his head and opens his eyes, wanting to see what Even looks like first thing in the morning. He’s still not awake enough that he worries how that’s maybe a weird thing to do.

Even is clearly still asleep. His breathing is slow and he looks so relaxed, so much younger.

Isak has never looked at Even in quite this way before, never allowed himself to just stare. Objectively he knows that his best friend is good looking. He’s seen plenty of people get affected by it, has had thoughts about it himself when he was much younger and still unsure about who he was. But seeing Even like this, he realizes surprised that Even is actually more than good looking. He’s _gorgeous_. The long delicate line of his neck, his high and defined cheekbones, the slope of his nose. He’s beautiful.

Isak wants to reach out and touch, wants to slide the pad of his forefinger over Even’s eyebrows, down his nose. Over his lips. And now that Isak is looking at them, he can feel his stomach furl a bit. Even’s full lips are pieces of art. Isak can’t quite comprehend how he’s never _noticed_ them before.

Now, when he looks at them, all the can think of is how good they felt against his. Isak licks his lips, just to remove the phantom touch he swears he can almost feel there. Almost like Even is kissing him all over again. Which he’s clearly not, he’s still sleeping there beside him, and Isak is a creep just lying there watching him do it.

As Isak chastises himself, Even shuffles closer again, and this time he shuffles his hips as well. Isak stops breathing when he feels something hard rub against his hip, but it’s not until Even starts moving his own hips, that Isak fully realizes that that hardness is Even’s dick.

Because that’s what’s happening.

Even is slowly grinding into Isak, moving a bit closer every time, and all the blood in Isak’s body is rushing south, making him impossibly harder. He needs to do something. Although this is the most turned on he’s been in a really long, long time, this is still his best friend. Even clearly doesn’t know he’s rubbing off on Isak, and he would probably be mortified if he knew, so Isak has to put an end to it.

No matter how hot he thinks it is, no matter how he’s flushing from head to toe and how he’s starting to pant, he just can’t let Even continue.

“Right,” he finally whispers to himself.

He tries to shuffle away. He tries to just slowly slide out from under Even’s arms, but no such luck. He’s barely moved a centimeter before Even tightens his grip on him and pulls him back in, making Even’s dick press against his hip, so close that Isak swears he can feel it pulse against him.

He clenches his eyes to it, is getting desperate to do something, anything, to end this now. He can hear that Even has started to breathe faster as well like he’s getting affected by it too and Isak needs to stop it before he goes too far.

“Even,” he loudly whispers and pushes at him a bit.

Thankfully that does the trick. Even groans and turns over on his back. He slowly opens his eyes, blinks a few times at the ceiling, before he turns his head and looks at Isak.

He smiles the second he sees Isak, and it’s so contagious and blinding first thing in the morning that Isak can’t help but smile back.

On the inside, he’s burning up with a mix of relief and regret, but he can’t imagine that he would ever grow tired of waking up to such a sight every morning.

\--||--

The morning passes by slowly. Isak spends it in a daze, so confused about his reactions to Even, how he can’t stop thinking about the kiss. About this morning. Every time he looks at Even, he feels the memory of it on his lips and on his body.

It’s confusing because, well, he kind of wants more. But Even’s his _best friend_.

Even is still enjoying himself, plays with the kids, charms the adults, does his thing and somehow manages to talk to most people in the house. He lets Isak be, like he senses that he needs to clear his head.

By 10, the car is packed and they’re ready to leave.

Isak gets enthusiastic goodbye hugs from most people there, and thankfully Even’s aunt is nowhere to be found.

The last one to say goodbye to him is Kari, who squeezes him much harder than he would’ve thought her capable of before she says, “Can’t wait for you to come back.”

She pulls back from him. Isak looks and looks but can’t find anything but sincerity on her face. She looks like she actually means it, and Isak can’t help but flush a bit in shame. He suddenly feels so bad for deceiving Even’s family like this.

No matter how confused he is himself right now, they don’t deserve being lied to like this. But he can’t tell her the truth now. Has to follow through and he ends up just nodding and smiling at her.

There’s a tug in his heart as they drive away. He wants to take Even’s hand to lessen it but remembers just before he does, that he can’t do that anymore.

They’re done pretending now.

It’s like a physical ache in his hand that he can’t just reach out. He’s gotten so used to touching Even, to being touched, that he’s not sure how he will survive not being allowed to anymore.

He tries not to look at Even, tries not to give his discomfort away, but he feels how Even keeps glancing at him, and he’s suddenly desperate to be home where he can close a door between them.

Although he dreads thinking about how lonely that’s going to be.

The trip home feels endless, much longer than the trip up. They barely talk, creating a weird, tense atmosphere in the car that has Even’s mom constantly glancing at them through the rear-view mirror.

Isak doesn’t look back. He just can’t meet her eyes. He’s not sure what he’d find there, but he doesn’t want to find out.

When they’re finally home, finally closes the front door behind them, Isak puts down his bag heavily. He’s a little bit afraid of how they’re going to be able to become like normal towards each other, how easy it’ll be for them to just forget what has happened.

He wants to forget, but at the same time, he doesn’t. He can still feel the effects of Even’s touch coursing through his body, and he wants to keep feeling like this.

He’s just not sure he’s allowed to ask. Where does the line get drawn for best friends? They’ve definitely tested it these last few days, that’s for sure.

Once home, they end up just doing mundane things. They unpack, go grocery shopping, cook a small dinner. Isak even puts on a load of laundry, excited to find a free timeslot. He makes sure to include some of Even’s dirty clothes, just because.

It’s not until Isak is lying in bed, alone, that it really hits him. Having two full good nights of sleep have messed with him, has made his entire body ready to get more sleep.

But he can’t.

He lies awake for most of the night, tossing and turning, sighing and groaning, hating his bed and his life.

He deliberately doesn’t think about Even. Or about how his chest constricts every time Even is near him. He needs to get it out of his head. Needs for things to get back to normal.

\--||--

Luckily, the next days are so busy that Isak barely has time to dwell on his feelings. There are so many plans, like the annual FIFA-tournament with the guys, work, homework, pre-parties, parties, and Isak throws himself into all of it.

He wants to stop thinking.

Unfortunately, although he wears himself out with each busy day, he still lies awake at night. By the second night, he’s given up and has resorted to his old ways of watching movies on his laptop. He tries to do it quietly, puts on headphones and keeps the light in his room to a minimum. He doesn’t want to disturb Even or let Even know that he’s struggling.

He just really wants to sleep, and it sucks because he knows the solution is lying just in the next room, all warm and soft. Isak longs to go to him. His mind is a whirl of thoughts that he doesn’t want to have, but it’s impossible for him to suppress them.

So he tries to distract himself with movies, anything to keep him from having to deal with what he recognizes as a growing crush.

Although the word makes him cringe, he knows that that’s what this is.

Isak has had crushes before. And he’s managed to put each and every one behind him eventually. Why should this be different?

Except it is. He’s never had a crush on someone where it could so drastically change his life if it isn’t reciprocated. And he just doesn’t think that Even is interested in him the same way.

He’ll just have to deal with it, just has to find a way to move on, move past it.

Eventually, with time, he hopes that this crush will disappear as well.

\--||--

It’s the 29th of December and Isak is dying. He hasn’t slept more than 4 hours combined in the last two nights, and he just can’t take it anymore.

He spends the morning in the kitchen drinking way too much coffee, and Even keeps looking at him with concern, but Isak is too damn tired to try to conceal what a mess he is.

Even cooks him breakfast though, and Isak tries to smile in gratitude, but by the frown on Even’s forehead, he’s sure that he didn’t really succeed.

He loses the FIFA-tournament spectacularly later that day, but he’s too tired to be the sore loser he normally is. Again, he notices the worried glances from Even, but he doesn’t say anything about it.

The boys are talking about another party, and Isak is really not in the mood, but he could use some alcohol to help knock him out. He tries not to resort to that, he’s learned the hard way that it’s a bad idea for him to use alcohol as a way to fall asleep.

Luckily it’s Even who stops the plans.

“Isak and I have an early morning tomorrow, we have some stuff to do in the apartment, so we can’t go.”

Isak looks at him surprised, he can’t remember them making any plans for tomorrow, but Even throws him a look that automatically makes him nod and agree with everything Even just said.

“Yeah. Important stuff. Just for roommates,” is his brilliant addition, and he hears how they sound like a bad excuse as the words leave his mouth. He can’t look at Even, can’t see what kind of face he must be making at him right now, but he can feel his cheeks flush a bit from it.

Isak can see that the boys notice that something’s going on, but he’s so relieved when they don’t press for answers, and just lets them be, bad excuses and all. It doesn’t take long for them to leave and the quiet they leave behind is disconcerting.

Even nods at the bathroom and says, “Shall we?”

Isak squints at him, they don’t normally get ready for bed together, but then he shrugs, remembers the intimacy and the easiness of doing that with Even at Kari’s.

Standing there next to Even in front of the sink brushing their teeth, seeing their reflection in the mirror, how good they look together, makes something hurt inside of Isak. It’s just so domestic, like a tease of how perfect they would be together and it’s _just_ bearable. As long as he has Even in any way, he’ll just have to find a way to deal with the fact that he can’t have him in the ways that he wants the most.

As they separate in the hallway, both of them with hands on their door handles Even pauses to say, “Get changed, and then come to my room.”

Isak turns to look at him, and he can see that Even has that determined look to him, the one that makes it impossible to argue with him.

He opens his mouth to argue anyway, but Even just cuts him off.

“I know you’re not sleeping. And we both know the solution to that.”

Isak swallows down all his arguments why they shouldn’t, and suddenly he’s transported back in time, back to that bedroom with Even lying next to him. How Even’s hard dick had felt against his thigh. Isak flushes. He can’t keep up the eye contact with Even after that thought, so he looks at the floor instead.

He’s close to saying no, just because of that, but then he realizes what Even is really offering. And he’s not going to say no to sleeping next to Even. So he nods, not trusting his voice enough to speak, and glances up to see Even smile.

Even seems happy enough, and Isak wishes he could be the same. Instead, he’s a mess, so happy and excited but nervous and full of dread at the same time. What if sleeping beside Even makes it worse, makes it harder for him to get used to sleeping alone again.

The thing is, Isak is so goddamn tired, so weary down to the bones, it doesn’t really feel like he has a choice.

So he goes to change, gives Even an extra five minutes to finish getting dressed, and then goes to Even’s room. He knocks on the door hesitantly, still not sure of the invitation, and opens it at Even’s confused _come in_.

“Why are you knocking on my door?” Even asks. He’s already lying in bed, looking so comfortable and sleepy, and Isak is dying a little bit. He wishes he didn’t feel so awkward doing this.

He shrugs, just can’t find any words to explain his nerves to Even without giving himself away completely, so he just goes to the bed, lifts the duvet and slides under it. He carefully maintains a distance to Even, makes sure that they’re not touching. They’re not pretending anymore, he really has no excuse to.

But Even just puts his arms around him, pulls him in tight and nuzzles into him, makes himself at ease. Isak lies there, stiff as a board and tries to talk his body into relaxing.

This isn’t weird, right?

It feels kind of weird though. But Even doesn’t seem to think so, is just lying there relaxed and comfortable and Isak takes a couple of deep breaths that Even ignores, and wills his body to relax.

He’s asleep within minutes after that.

\--||--

Isak wakes up slowly. He’s lost in the place between dreaming and reality, not really sure what’s what. It feels like he’s swimming through molasses, everything feels good and warm and right. He breathes in and a spicy scent filled with warm, good sweat fills his nose, fills his lungs.

It makes him smile.

Makes him chase the warmth, the softness he’s pressed against. Makes him push his hips into it, sending small sparks of electricity through him, makes him push harder.

A groan that’s not his makes him more alert, pulls him reluctantly but completely out of this limbo he’s been in, makes him understand that he’s not alone.

He opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is a mop of dirty-blond hair, and Isak is mortified as he realizes that he’s basically humping his best friend who’s _sleeping_.

Isak is wrapped around him, acting as the big spoon this time, completely aligned with Even’s body, and his hard dick is pressed against Even’s delicious ass. Even is obviously still sleeping, is responding to Isak by arching his back and the way that pushes Even’s ass further into Isak’s dick, makes it settle into Even’s crack, is giving Isak heart-palpitations.

He needs to get away.

It would be so easy to just give into it, to rub his hard, aching dick against Even, whose body is basically asking for it, but he can’t. It doesn’t matter how this is making Isak wish to have this with Even every morning, makes him imagine a world where this might be a normal occurrence, he just can’t.

His heart is beating way too fast like it’s trying to beat away the sting knowing that he’ll probably never have that gives him.

He pulls away reluctantly, slowly so he doesn’t wake Even.

Somehow, leaving Even like that, warm and sleeping in his bed, after he’s done him a favor, giving Isak some rest finally, feels shameful. Like he’s doing something shitty to Even.

But he needs to get away if he’s to preserve any kind of sanity. He can’t keep deceiving himself, thinking that this is something he could have. Nobody has ever wanted him like that before, wanted him around just for him, as a boyfriend.

He doesn’t want to be a hook-up for Even. He’s not even sure that is a possibility, but he loves Even far too much for them to mess it up with sex. He can’t stand the thought of not having Even around every day anymore, for him to not be his best friend.

He will gladly suffer in silence until this stupid crush goes away, just to be able to keep Even in his life.

He just needs to get some space from Even. Then it’ll blow over. That’s what happened the last time.

\--||--

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like Even is onboard with this plan.

Actually, it seems that Even is doing the exact opposite of this, like he’s realizing that Isak is pulling away and doesn’t want him to.

Even keeps touching Isak. He sits too close to him as they’re eating breakfast on the couch in front of the television and Isak is acutely aware of how his entire side feels warmer from it, like every nerve on that side of his body is alive, firing happily now that Even’s so close.

When they’re done, Isak takes their bowls to the kitchen, mumbling that he’ll do the dishes, but Even just tags along and stands too close to him again as he dries off the things Isak has washed.

Isak is so confused. He loves it, wants to lean into it and soak up every touch, every small push of Even’s shoulder, but at the same time, he desperately wishes that Even would stop. He’s making it very, very hard for Isak to restrain himself.

By the time Isak goes to his room to change, he’s flushed and half-hard and dying a little bit from desperation. He stands against the closed door, trying to catch his breath, trying to cool down, seriously debating whether he should get himself off while he can. He can’t imagine surviving a full day of this, all this _touching_ , without growing fully hard, and he’s afraid of what Even might say if he notices.

He’s afraid that he’ll combust from shame.

He realizes that he’s been standing against the door for too long when he hears Even hurrying him from the other side, and he’s startled into changing without doing anything about his problem.

His half-hard dick isn’t anymore comfortable in his jeans, but they’re the only thing presentable enough for him to wear.

They’re going to Jonas’ place for lunch. It’s a yearly tradition by now, that they all meet up on the 30th, and this year it’s Jonas’ turn to host. Although Isak loves it, loves spending time with his friends, he also thinks it’s kind of a ridiculous tradition. They all spend New Year’s Eve together as well, but nobody paid him any mind when he made that objection the first year, and he doesn’t bother making it now.

He’s learned to keep his mouth shut about these things.

As they leave their apartment together, Even puts his arm around Isak as they walk down the street, like it’s something they _do_ , and Isak’s mind is so all over the place that he doesn’t even push it away. They walk like that all the way to the tram, and guilt creeps up on Isak at how much he enjoys it. He can’t help thinking how much like a couple they must look to the people they pass on the street, and it thrills him.

He’s sure that they look good together. He’s sure that they look like they fit.

They pass by the windows of a storefront, but Isak can’t look. He’s not sure he would be able to go on if he were to find out just how good they would look together as a couple.

Even doesn’t seem to notice Isak’s internal freak-out. Just matches his step to Isak’s and chats about inane things the entire walk there, with his arm around Isak’s shoulder. He doesn’t act any different, doesn’t seem to realize that this isn’t a thing that they do.

Maybe it is, now. Isak realizes that somehow, going with Even to visit his family, touching and kissing him, made Isak like all the others in Even’s mind. Now he’s one of the people that Even touches freely. And although that should be a relief, it’s actually not.

He loves Even touching him. But he doesn’t want to be just one of the others either.

Isak steels himself, sure that Even will stop when they get to Jonas’. He just has to make it there.

\--||--

Except that Even doesn’t.

Once they get there, it’s almost like he’s touching him more. Isak is so stuck in this weird place between perpetual arousal and embarrassment and stupid happiness, that he almost doesn’t feel like himself.

Even sits next to him as they eat, and he constantly touches Isak all through the lunch, a hand on his thigh, an arm around his shoulders, fingers on his arm as he’s talking. He’s just being himself, is being the life of the party, as usual, acting like this is something they _do_ and Isak is so fucking confused.

He’s barely eating, is definitely not speaking and the only one who seems to notice that something is off is Jonas.

Jonas keeps looking at him, sending him significant glances and nods towards Even with wide eyes. Isak can clearly see what he’s saying. _What’s going on? Why is Even touching you this much?_

And Isak doesn’t fucking know! He’s sure he must look just as big a mess as he feels. He shrugs at Jonas, tries to convey how fucking confused he is about it himself, and that just makes Jonas smile at him like he knows something.

Isak has to look away. Hates that he’s being so transparent that Jonas just realized so quickly. How Isak is starting to feel about Even.

But the more Even touches him, the more his body seems to develop this alertness towards Even. Like every time Isak looks at Even, he ends up staring at his lips. His full, beautiful, shiny lips. When he runs a hand through his hair, Isak is stuck on it, wonders how soft it would feel, whether it curls in the ends when Even sweats. Notices his pretty eyes, how blue and intense they are, how long his lashes are.

His fucking hands. Big and long and…

Isak needs to stop. He needs to get a grip on himself. This isn’t getting any easier, it’s just getting harder.

Like his dick.

\--||--

Much later, Isak is pleasantly drunk and they’re on their way to a bar. He’s walking beside Magnus who’s talking a mile a minute, but Isak’s not even listening. He’s lost, eyes lingering on Even walking in front of him.

How has he never noticed just how long Even’s legs are? They go on forever, and Isak wonders how it would feel to run his hands up the entire length of them. He knows that he’s seen Even’s legs naked plenty of times, but he’s never noticed whether they’re hairy. Does Even have hair on his inner thighs? Or are they soft and downy to the touch instead, like silk? He wonders how it would feel to run his tongue over the delicate skin there, probably pale enough for his blood vessels to show. How it would feel to bite them, gently, just enough for Even to feel it.

Fuck. He’s getting harder from thinking about it. He should stop.

He can’t though. Instead, his eyes linger on Even’s ass, and he almost keels over with want. He desperately wants to go to Even, just push himself against his back, bury his dick against his ass.

“You’re being very quiet,” Magnus notes, pulling him from his thoughts.

Isak takes a deep breath, pushes at his cap like he’s straightening it out, and then answers like he’s done a million times before.

“I just really need to get laid.”

Even turns around at that, sending Isak a look that almost makes him stop breathing. When Even turns back, he seems to walk faster, and Isak loses him in the crowd pretty quickly.

It feels like he said something wrong, but he’s not sure what he should’ve said instead.

Even remains lost to him at the bar they go to. Isak keeps drinking and talking to people, pretending that he’s fine. Distracting himself from the thoughts in his head.

He’s approached by a couple of guys during the night, and they’re cute and nice, and Isak would normally do something about it. But the moment they put their hands on his arm or come a bit too close, he finds he can’t.

Everything in his body rebels against it, and he takes a step back out of their reach. His mind explodes with EVEN, there’s just no way that he can even consider doing anything with anybody else.

He keeps to his friends after trying that a couple of times. The longer he’s with them, the more aware he becomes that he can’t see Even, but he stays anyway and talks to Mahdi and Magnus, although he really wants to go into the crowds to seek Even out.

A couple of hours later, the need becomes overwhelming, and when he can’t find Even, he finds Jonas instead.

“Do you know where Even is?” he shouts, trying to be heard over the music.

Jonas shrugs and shouts back, “Yeah, he left a while ago.”

It doesn’t take Isak long to leave after that.

\--||--

He spends the entire tram ride home thinking about whether he can in any way justify going to sleep in Even’s bed, next to him, whether Even will be asleep when he gets home.

He can’t stop thinking about it. Even in bed, warm and soft, waiting for Isak to join him. It makes his chest hurt a bit with longing. Makes him hurry a bit more.

He’s quiet as he enters the apartment. Is sure Even must be sleeping now, and he doesn’t want to disturb him. He immediately notices the light on in the living room and he stops breathing when he sees Even lying on the couch.

The TV is on, and Even is lying down, asleep. He looks so good like this. So relaxed and beautiful, it makes Isak’s heart clench.

He’s drawn to him, he doesn’t even try to stop his body from going to him, squatting in front of the couch.

He leans in until his face is mere centimeters from Even’s, he can feel Even’s breath on his face with every exhale, and Isak stays there. He lets himself look. He can’t believe his luck, that he’s able to be this close to Even. He can’t get over how vulnerable Even looks like this.

Isak’s eyes are naturally drawn to Even’s lips. Isak could kiss him right now. He wonders what would happen if he did. Would Even wake up and kiss him back? Or would he jump back, away from Isak, look at him with wide, scared eyes?

Would Isak lose his best friend, all due to a drunk, stupid decision?

It’s that image that makes Isak back away. He has to touch in some way though, give Even a little back after all he’s given him today, so he pushes a lock of hair on Even’s forehead back, much more tender about it than he normally would be.

“Even, wake up. Let’s get you into bed,” he whispers.

Even opens his eyes, and it steals the breath from Isak’s lungs how Even looks at him. Like he’s surprised he’s there.

As Isak helps Even off the couch, Even asks, “Didn’t you hook up?”

Isak blames his reply on the alcohol still affecting him. “No, I’d rather come home to you.”

Even’s smile is blinding. It settles something inside of Isak while making his heart beat faster and just then Isak knows.

This isn’t a crush. This won’t just easily go away.

Isak is in fucking love with Even.

That thought should keep him from falling asleep easily in Even’s arms once again, but it doesn’t. Even tugs on his arm, pulls Isak with him into his bedroom, and Isak crawls into bed beside him, letting the warmth of Even lull him to sleep.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the third prompt out of the way as well! But apparently, I needed another chapter to finish this story. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Hang tight, it’ll be up tomorrow. :)


	3. Now, I know what a fool I've been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So last chapter! I hope you guys are ready! :D
> 
> And I hope you enjoy... <3

Isak wakes up alone the next morning. He can hear movement in the kitchen, so he knows that Even is probably making them coffee, but it’s still weird to wake up alone. He’s already gotten used to meeting the day with Even by his side.

And with that thought in mind, he remembers what he realized yesterday.

He’s in love with Even.

He pulls the duvet over his head and hides from the world. Just for a little while. He just needs to get over himself, get over how stupid he’s feeling. Right now he just feels guilty for putting their friendship on the line like this.

He just needs to pull himself together so that he can go into that kitchen and behave normally towards Even. Stop thinking about his legs, how pretty he is, or his fucking mouth.

It doesn’t work.

But in the end, Isak figures he can’t draw it out anymore and goes to the kitchen. It’s awkward and stilted between them, and Isak is sure he isn’t helping.

He just can’t help the way his pulse starts racing every time he looks at Even now, can’t help but think _I’m so fucking in love with you_ every time Even looks at him. Can’t help how the timbre of Even’s voice makes his skin tingle and he just wants to reach out and touch. And kiss. And hold.

But he keeps himself back. Over and over he reminds himself, tells himself just how much he’s risking. He could lose Even over this.

His mind is a chaotic mess and he’s getting antsy with it, can barely look Even in the eye. By the time they’re done eating breakfast, Even looks obviously hurt from Isak brushing him off.

Isak escapes to his room and stays in there longer than he should, using it as an excuse not to spend time with Even.

He’s so fucked. So totally fucked.

And he doesn’t even know what to do about it.

\--||--

The day passes slowly.

Isak slinks out of his room sometime around noon, lured into the kitchen by his growling stomach to get something to eat. While he’s at it he makes a sandwich for Even as well and carries them to the living room.

The door to Even’s room is closed, which is unusual, to say the least. Isak has to get over himself, he realizes, he really doesn’t want things to change between them just because he caught feelings.

He knocks on the door, waits to open it until Even shouts he can, and then he’s just awkwardly standing there. Even is a sight. He’s sitting on his bed, laptop open, hoodie over his hair, and he looks so sad that Isak has to swallow down the need to go and hold him. He just wants to make it better, needs this weirdness between them to go away.

“I made us lunch. Do you want to watch a movie while we eat?”

It’s clearly a peace-offering, and Isak waits nervously to see Even’s reaction. He has every right to be upset with Isak, with the way he’s been behaving.

But obviously Even isn’t like that, he doesn’t hold grudges. He lights up with a smile, untangles his long legs (which Isak is definitely not noticing) and gets out of bed.

“What do you want to watch?” he asks as he starts following Isak into the living room.

It’s an old discussion for them, so it’s easy to have, to just fall back into the normal pattern and Isak is so unbelievably happy that they can still have this.

Maybe things won’t be so bad, maybe he really can pretend until his feelings go away.

Maybe everything will be alright.

\--||--

Everything will _not_ be alright.

What the fuck is Isak supposed to do? How does Even expect him to be chill when he’s standing there looking like _that_? Like every wet dream Isak’s ever had come alive?

Isak isn’t going to survive the night.

After a nice afternoon just chilling with each other, they had taken turns showering and gone to separate rooms to get ready for the New Year’s party. The mood between them had definitely improved. It had been good. Relaxed. Normal, even.

Isak felt so happy as he put on his (only) suit, having problems with the tie as he always did. Eventually, he managed to tie a knot that looked somewhat decent and he even managed to fix his hair in a way that he was pleased with.

But stepping out of his room at the same time as Even, seeing Even in a suit, hair on point, ruins everything. No way can Isak act normal when everything in him screams at him to touch, to kiss, to _fuck_. A shiver moves through him, all the way to his groin, just from how well that fucking suit fits Even. Like it’s made specifically for him, tailored to his body like a glove.

It probably is. Somebody probably made this specifically to fit Even, probably cost him a small fortune too, and all to ruin Isak’s New Year’s Eve.

Isak is so _fucked_.

Luckily, Even doesn’t mention Isak’s reluctance to talk, seemingly doesn’t notice the tension emanating from him even though he’s looking at Isak with wide eyes and an open mouth.

“You, ah… you look good,” Even says, clearing his throat halfway through the sentence.

Isak smiles shyly, looks down at his suit. “Thanks. You too.”

He’s not sure if he’s supposed to say that, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. It’s the truth and Even looks pleased by it. It even coaxes a small smile out of him.

It lessens the tension slightly, makes it less weird between them as they leave for the party. They’re meeting with the rest of the gang at Eva’s for her New Year’s party, and he’s heard from Jonas throughout the day how hard they’ve been working on the dinner.

Three courses, wine, and everything.

Isak had gladly paid his share, saying that if he got out of cooking, he was more than happy to pay.

Even carries a bottle of champagne with him on the tram, insisting that you can’t go to a New Year’s party without one for the hostess. Isak loves how considerate Even is, always thinking about things like this that he knows will make Eva really happy. He’d rolled his eyes at it when Even bought it, because of course he did, but now he can’t hide the way it makes him smile.

The tram is filled with happy people on their way to parties and the mood is contagious. Even is standing there next to him, and Isak feels so alive being there with him. More than once, he flexes his fingers against the urge to take Even’s hand, to show everybody there that this handsome man next to him is his.

He ignores the sting in his chest every time he remembers that he isn’t. Not really.

\--||--

They’re enthusiastically greeted when they get there. They go around the room saying hi to people together, and it feels like such a couple-y thing to do that Isak is starting to sweat from it.

It hurts. Knowing he can never have this. But how he keeps getting glimpses of how perfect they would fit, how right they would be.

By the time Isak escapes into the kitchen, desperate for a beer to take the edge of his nerves, he’s flushed and his hands are shaking a little bit.

Thankfully, Jonas is in the kitchen and he’s enough to stave off his pending breakdown. Isak gives him a big hug, hangs on just a bit longer than what’s normally accepted, and Jonas is the best bro to ever bro because he lets him.

“What’s going on, Isak?” he asks when Isak finally pulls away.

Isak sends him a look, hopes to convey how fucked he is with it, while he opens the fridge. He can’t tell Jonas, he’s sure that Even isn’t that far behind him, and he definitely doesn’t want Even to overhear.

Jonas raises his eyebrows and gives him the _what the hell is going on_ -look that he’s perfected over the years. He’s so good at it, that Isak is caving fast, is just about to just blurt it out when Even joins them in the kitchen.

They hug as well, but Jonas throws him a _we’ll discuss this later_ -look over Even’s shoulder and Isak just takes it. He needs to tell someone, after all, and better Jonas than Even.

When dinner is ready, Isak discovers that he and Even are seated next to each other. Like a fucking _couple_. He has to steady himself on his chair, take a couple of deep breaths before he sits down.

He’s suddenly very sure that he won’t make it through this night. Death by sitting next to the most pretty boy in the world. He takes a big gulp of his wine and figures there are worse ways to go.

\--||--

It’s getting closer to midnight. Isak is pleasantly drunk, not too drunk to fall over, but drunk enough that he’s having a good time.

He’s talking to Vilde and Chris who are making him laugh harder than he has in a long time, but he can’t help noticing how Even is looking at him, and he can’t help glancing his way constantly just to check if Even is still doing it.

He always is.

If feels like Even’s eyes are tracking him. But how can he be sure? How can he know that Even is looking at him like _that_?

He excuses himself to get another beer and is grateful to find Jonas in the kitchen, alone.

He waits patiently for Isak to get his beer, and it’s not until Isak has taken the first sip of it before he asks.

“Okay, Isak. What the hell is going on with you?”

He doesn’t even let Jonas finish completely before he just blurts it out. Like he just can’t keep it in anymore.

“I think I’m in love with Even.”

Jonas stops what he’s doing, his can of beer hanging in the air awkwardly as he stares at Isak.

The seconds tick by, without him saying anything, and it’s making Isak nervous. So he talks some more.

“Well. I’m pretty sure I am. Like a lot. I’m so fucked.”

Jonas lowers his beer but throws Isak a significant glance, that’s probably supposed to mean something, but Isak isn’t quite sure what.

“Why the hell are you fucked?” Jonas asks incredulously and Isak just doesn’t understand why Jonas doesn’t get it.

His voice is a bit higher than normal when he answers. “Because he’s not in love with me, and I’m ruining our friendship!”

He doesn’t have any problems deciphering the look Jonas sends him at that.

“You are the dumbest smart guy I know,” Jonas starts, making Isak flush. “This is so stupid!”

He looks at Isak for a few long seconds, and Isak isn’t sure he likes the scrutiny.

“Fuck it,” Jonas finally says, goes to Isak and puts his hands on his shoulders. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I can’t look at you guys making yourself miserable anymore.”

Isak is so fucking confused, is just about to open his mouth to tell Jonas as much when he just shushes Isak.

“Don’t, let me finish.” He takes a deep breath while just staring at Isak, making Isak squirm. “Isak. Even is in love with you.”

Isak is sure that his ears have stopped working. He trusts Jonas not to lie to him, but he’s not sure he believes him.

“No, he’s not,” is his clever, clever response. He’s surprised he was even able to say that much, it feels like his entire body is frozen to the spot.

“He really, really is. He’s been pining for you for a very long time,” Jonas says, and he looks so sincere that Isak can’t not believe him.

He wants to argue, wants to tell him how that can’t be true, how he would’ve fucking _noticed_. But then he thinks about how reluctant Even had been with touching him, the comments Tove made, how Even behaved while they were at Kari’s.

The way he shared his fucking bed with Isak when Isak wasn’t sleeping.

Jesus Christ. His entire body is in chaos, his mind is racing with memories and images of them together, of how Even’s been looking at him for a long, long time. And Isak’s just been so fucking oblivious. He didn’t _know_. How could he not know?

Jonas just gently squeezes him on the shoulders and lets go of him, and Isak sways on his feet like he’s lost his anchor.

“I didn’t know,” he whispers and looks at Jonas. His mind is spinning, and he feels almost dizzy from it.

“What are you still doing here?” Jonas says, slapping at his side to make him move. “Go get him!”

And as if he’s on autopilot Isak does. He puts one foot in front of the other, goes to find Even. He looks in the living room, scans the crowd of people with no luck, and he slowly goes through the rooms searching for him.

He finally finds Even down in Eva’s room. The door is open by a sliver, revealing the lights on in there when Isak looks down the stairs. He stops at the foot of the stairs and looks at Even through the door. He’s sitting slumped on the bed, folded in on himself, looking so sad that Isak’s heart aches for him.

He can’t wait any longer, can’t stand looking at Even so sad, knowing that he’s probably the cause for it, is definitely the cure for it.

His body is pulsing with adrenaline and he’s sweating from nerves and excitement. This is it.

He knocks on the door as he walks into the room, and then he’s just standing there. He hadn’t really thought of what to say, doesn’t know how to start. He can’t just blurt it out, can he? Wouldn’t that be weird?

“Are you here to get me for the countdown?” Even asks and straightens his posture, folds his face into a smile, and Isak’s heart breaks a little.

Isak shakes his head, hates how the words are stuck in his throat, how he can’t seem to find anything appropriate to say. Why is he so fucking bad at this?

Even looks like he’s about to stand up, looks like he’s getting worried for Isak, so Isak panics.

“Are you in love with me?” he blurts out, and immediately wants to take it back, wishes he had said literally anything else but that.

Even looks at him with wide eyes, surprise clear on his face and he swallows hard.

“Who told you that?” he asks in this voice that almost breaks Isak’s heart. Like he’s _afraid_.

Isak takes a step towards Even, tries to reassure him with his body language. “Jonas, but that’s not really important.” He stops a few steps from Even. “Are you?”

Even looks down at his hands, his cheeks are turning red and Isak loves him so much, he can’t stand it. He takes another step towards Even.

“Because I’m in love with you,” he breathes out, putting it out there, tasting the words on his tongue. The way Even looks at him makes him smile widely, makes him confident that he can keep talking. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

Even stands up, takes a tentative step towards Isak, narrowing the space between them considerably.

“You are?”

Isak laughs and smiles, feels like the king of the world, because it’s suddenly so obvious. Everything about Even screams happy bewilderment, not disgust, not anger, not _pity_.

Even takes another step towards him and they’re suddenly so _close_. Isak’s smile falls slowly, as he realizes just what this means, just how close he is to getting everything he’s ever wanted. It suddenly feels so big, this thing that’s about to happen. This moment. It almost steals his breath away. Understanding how they’re both on the same page.

It feels like he’s on the cusp of something great, something so important that somehow, he understands that this isn’t going to be just falling in love. This is more, it already feels like so much more.

Even puts his hand on Isak’s cheek gently, caresses his cheekbone with his thumb until Isak gasps at how tender it is. He doesn’t think anybody has ever touched him like this before. Like he’s something precious.

Even’s eyes on him are intense and Isak holds his breath. He licks his lips in anticipation, knows what’s about to come, feels his lips tingle from the phantom touch of Even’s lips on his.

Even leans in slowly, looking into Isak’s eyes for confirmation. Isak can feel Even’s shallow breaths against his own mouth, so close that Isak is dazed.

Isak closes his eyes to it, it’s almost too much, too intense, he feels like he’s about to pass out from all this tension.

He’s too aware of how close Even’s getting, how he could purse his lips and they would surely touch, and the anticipation and desperation build and build until Isak’s skin crawls with it. He just wants to fucking kiss Even, wants to know what it’s like when they’re just doing it for themselves.

“The countdown is about to start!” somebody yells from the top of the stairs, breaking them apart.

They stand there looking into each other’s eyes. Isak is just about to say fuck it and go in for the kiss anyway when Even takes his hand.

“Shall we?” he asks, smiling and happy, and just like that it doesn’t really matter that they haven’t kissed yet. They will. For now, what’s more important is how he put that smile on Even’s face.

They walk to the living room together, hand in hand, close and intimate. Isak feels relief like he can’t believe, so goddamn happy that his chest is about to burst with it.

The room is full of people, but his eyes find Jonas’ who wiggles his eyebrows at their joined hands. Isak smiles at him, his smile wider than it’s been in years.

Somebody puts a glass of champagne in his hand, and then the countdown begins.

Even pulls him in, turns to look at him, and none of them are joining in on the countdown. They’re just standing there, absorbed in each other, letting themselves look. Even’s eyes find Isak’s lips when the count reaches two and Isak just can’t wait anymore. He leans in, doesn’t care who’s watching, who’s noticing. He just needs to feel how real Even is, how real this new thing between them is.

As the countdown reaches zero and the room explodes in cheers around them, Isak’s lips find Even’s.

They meet the new year kissing, tender and loving and soft and Isak has never kissed anybody like this before. He doesn’t notice the fireworks starting outside, the loud explosions and the bursts of color in the room. Nothing else exists in this moment but their lips sliding against each other.

Even pulls back, panting. He looks at Isak in amazement, lips widening in a smile, and Isak can’t stand to be apart from him even for a second. He puts his arms around Even and pulls him back in, exhaling in relief at how his world aligns as their lips meet. How his mind calms and his body pulses.

This is right. It’s perfect.

\--||--

They don’t manage to stay kissing for long, though. Soon enough they’re being pulled at from all sides by people who want to hug them and wish them a happy New Year, but they never stray far from each other. It doesn’t matter how much people put distance between them because they’re always quick find each other again.

Isak has a hard time looking away from Even, just wants to see, to know, that he’s the one that put that flush on his cheeks, that gleam in his eyes. He looks fucking gorgeous. Isak desperately wants to kiss him again. And he feels giddy with the realization that he can now because he doesn’t have to hold back anymore. He can kiss Even whenever he wants to.

The house quickly empties as people leave to go see the fireworks outside, but Isak and Even stay behind. Through the masses of people, they maintain eye contact, silently agreeing on staying right where they are.

Isak just wants to touch Even again, wants to press him against the nearest surface and feel him against him. Learn the curves of his body with his lips, tongue, and fingers. Put his hands on that beautiful ass, feel how perfectly it will surely fit in his grip. Just right, he bets.

Isak is already half-hard in anticipation, is already breathing harder. And from how fast Even’s shoulders are rising, it looks like Even’s just as affected.

Once the living room is emptied and the quiet settles in, they stand there for a few seconds.

Isak lets his eyes roam Even’s face, takes in how his pupils are dilated, how his mouth is open, just enough to show a hint of teeth, how full his fucking lips are. Isak wants to make them red and puffy, wants to bite them until all Even feels is him.

Once Isak’s eyes are settled on Even’s lips, he’s not sure he can wait anymore.

Even makes a strangled sound, and it raises the temperature in the room. Just that sound alone. Like he’s getting desperate from the way Isak is looking at him. Fuck. Isak is going to _die_ from how hot this is.

He doesn’t even realize he’s moving until he is, until he’s crashing into Even lips and arms first, and the kiss is frantic and desperate from the start. So different from their first kiss. This is heat and tongue and teeth, uncoordinated in the best of ways, and it’s making Isak sweat in his suit.

He’s desperate to get Even naked, to feel him writhing against him. He’s going to blow his mind, show him that he doesn’t need anybody else.

His hands find their way into Even’s hair and his fingers run through the locks. Isak pulls at it, gently, and it forces a moan out of Even that’s so overwhelming that Isak has to break the kiss to breathe. It’s too much, too good.

He’s already so hard, his dick pulsing in his pants, knows he’s dripping precum and all just from a kiss.

He uses his grip in Even’s hair to tilt his head, so he can start licking at Even’s long neck, and his skin tastes perfect. He closes his eyes and maps the way there, loves how he’s coaxing sounds out of Even he’s never heard from him before. Cataloging what makes him sigh and what makes him moan.

Even starts pushing at him, and without letting go of the expanse of skin he’s working, he lets himself be steered backward until he hits a wall. Even wastes no time, puts his thigh between Isak’s legs, gives him something to rub his dick against, providing him with delicious friction.

Even puts his hands on Isak’s face, directs his mouth back to his, and then they’re kissing again. Even rolls his hips against Isak’s and Isak’s sounds are lost in Even’s mouth.

Isak is already too close, the way his dick is pressed up against Even’s thigh, the way he can feel Even’s dick against his own thigh just makes him spiral towards coming with alarming speed.

It almost feels like they’re going too fast.

Isak pulls back a bit, has to get a little bit of distance to get some oxygen back to his brain, but the way Even chases his lips makes Isak almost just dive back in. But he knows they have to talk first. It doesn’t matter how good this is, he needs to know if they’re on the same page before he can dive into this, head first.

“Wait,” Isak says with his voice shaking, but he doesn’t care about that, doesn’t mind that Even knows how much he affects Isak.

It makes Even pause immediately, makes him open his eyes to Isak and when he sees that Isak is being serious he groans and buries his head in Isak’s shoulder.

“Fuck, Isak,” he mutters, rolls his hips as if to emphasize how bad of an idea it is for them to pause.

Isak has to swallow hard before he can continue. Even’s hard dick against him is taking over his mind, the fact that it’s so close, only a few pieces of fabric between them, the fact that he could reach out and touch. And Even would let him.

It makes him breathe just a little bit harder and makes his dick twitch against Even’s thigh.

“I just… We should talk,” Isak says, the last word coming out as a groan as Even can’t seem to stay still with his hips. He’s grinding into Isak with small, barely there movements, but Isak can feel it _all._ Like it’s magnified by 100.

Even isn’t kissing Isak, but he’s running his lips against the skin on his cheek, his jaw, all the way to his ears, leaving goosebumps in his wake. Isak shivers from the delicate sensation, closes his eyes and lets his head fall back against the wall, giving himself over to the tenderness of the touch.

“We should,” Even whispers into his ear and Isak can’t hold in the moan.

He’s this close to just giving in, to just catching Even’s lips again and lose himself in the kiss. Grind against his long thigh until he gets off.

But just then the living room is swarmed with drunk people once again, complaining about the cold and raving about how beautiful the fireworks were.

Even takes a step back from Isak, but keeps his hands on Isak’s waist.

They don’t even try to hide what they were doing, not that they would’ve succeeded anyway. Isak can feel how swollen his lips are, how flushed he is, knows he’s tenting his pants.

He can’t look away from Even, who doesn’t seem the least bothered by it, doesn’t mind that everybody can see it on them.

And Isak knows. Feels it like a bolt of lightning, the realization that Even is all in. Clearly.

He needs to get him alone.

He leans into Even, speaks into his ear, “Do you want to go home?”

Even’s half-lidded eyes are almost answer enough when he pulls back to look at him. But the way he smiles at Isak, small, private, and completely new, lets him know that he wants this just as much.

“Come on,” Isak says, pulling Even behind him by his hand.

“Goodbye, everybody,” he calls to the room as they leave, and he doesn’t care about the sniggers and catcalls that follows them into the hallway as they get their coats.

\--||--

It’s a long trip home. Although they manage to catch one of the last trams, it’s still slow going because of all the people on the streets and the fireworks still going off. Isak doesn’t care, though. It gives them an excuse to just be together.

Even has Isak’s hand in his, lying in his lap and Isak feels warm just from that gesture.

“I have to ask,” Even starts, breaking the silence between them. “Are you really in love with me?”

Isak smiles and looks down at their hands, suspects that he’s going to have to say that part over and over again to make Even believe it. The answer isn’t hard to say. He doesn’t care who knows it now.

“Yes.”

Even smiles back, looks like he can’t believe it. But that’s alright. Isak has all the time in the world to convince him of his feelings.

“And you?” Isak asks, he needs to hear Even say it.

Even huffs. “I’ve been in love with you for a very long time, Isak.”

“You have?” Isak can’t help but ask. He only just found out, he’s so curious as to how long Even’s felt like this.

“You’re part of the reason I broke up with Sonja,” Even admits.

That makes Isak sad. He hates that Even’s been feeling like that for so long. He knows how painful that must’ve been.

“I’m sorry, Even.”

“No, don’t be sorry” he answers. “I’m not.” He smiles that gorgeous smile of his and lifts their hands so he can kiss Isak’s. “How can I be sorry when I’m finally sitting with you like this?”

Isak grins. He’s pretty sure that he’ll burst if he doesn’t kiss Even right now, so he does.

He’s a little bit warmer and a lot more out of breath when they pull back.

“So, we’re really doing this?” Isak asks although he’s pretty sure of the answer by now.

“Yeah,” Even whispers and the way he looks at Isak makes Isak flush all the way to his cold toes.

But he clears his throat, needs to get this out there, needs Even to understand his hesitations.

“I’m just scared that something will happen and that I’ll lose you as my best friend.”

Even breathes out, like he’s relieved that Isak said it out loud. “Me too.” He looks down at their hands, plays with Isak’s fingers, and continues. “That’s what’s kept me back so far.”

“I’m glad you did,” Isak starts, he’s not happy to be saying this, but Even needs to know. “I wasn’t ready before now.”

Even leans in close. “Then I’m glad I did too,” he says and kisses Isak.

Isak chases Even’s lips when he pulls back, catches his lips again, and they stay like that until they reach their stop. Almost missing it from how wrapped up they are in each other.

They stay close as they walk towards their apartment together. And this time Isak makes sure to watch their reflection in the shop windows they pass. This time he’s not afraid of the image they make.

And he was right. They look perfect together.

\--||--

Honestly, Isak expected them to be on each other as soon as they were home. He kind of expected them to be frantic about it, almost not making it to the bedroom.

That’s not what happens. Not at all.

It’s almost like any other time they come home together, just with more touching.

They take off their coats and shoes, goes to the bathroom to brush their teeth and clean their faces, but then there’s a small change to their routine. Instead of getting into separate rooms, Even pulls Isak into his by his hand.

“You’re sleeping in here tonight,” he says, with that teasing smile that could convince Isak to do _anything_.

Even helps him undress. Makes Isak stand in the middle of the room, slowly slides his suit jacket over his shoulders, slowly unbuttons his shirt one button at the time, and it’s the most torturous foreplay Isak has ever experienced.

When Even slides the shirt off his shoulders, his nerves are so sensitive and alert that he feels how every centimeter of fabric glides over his skin, leaving goosebumps behind. He’s so ready for more, for Even to touch him for real, but Even just looks him in the eye as he starts opening the belt to his pants.

Isak is _dying_.  

The meticulous way Even goes about it, pretending like it’s not sexual, when it, in fact, _is_ , is driving Isak crazy.

There’s no hiding his hard-on when Even pushes his pants down his legs but Even doesn’t act like he notices it, just keeps looking up into Isak’s eyes. Helps Isak take off his socks as well, before he stands up and starts taking his own suit off.

Isak is shaking with want, with the need to touch, to be touched, but he doesn’t help Even. He just looks and looks, observes every single sliver of skin revealed to him, revels in how he _can_. Even’s not going to think it’s weird he’s looking anymore, Even wants him to.

When Even is done, he gently takes Isak’s hand, leads him to the bed.

As soon as they’re lying down, they find each other as they have the last two nights. Even turns his head and kisses Isak, and it’s so gentle, so different from what Isak expected, but not worse. Definitely not worse.

Isak has never been treated with care like this before. It feels strange, but so, so good. It makes him feel a bit fragile, happy that they’re going a bit slow tonight.

“Is this alright?” Even asks and Isak’s not sure what exactly he means. But there’s nothing Isak would change, so he just nods.

“Yeah, this is good.”

They stay like that, close, kissing softly, speaking in gentle whispers to each other, for a long time. There’s only the two of them in the world. Nothing else matters.

It’s a perfect way to greet the new year.

\--||--

Isak wakes up in the best of ways the next morning.

He opens his eyes just seconds before Even comes through the door carrying a tray with buns, butter, jam, and coffee, and he lights up at the sight. He’s not even that hung-over, apparently more drunk on Even than on alcohol last night.

“Good morning,” Even says, before he puts the tray on the bed and leans in to kiss Isak.

Isak could burst with happiness inside. He can’t believe that this is how he gets to wake up every morning from now on. It’s almost too good to be true.

Even returns his happy smile, doesn’t even say a thing about how Isak let him make breakfast for them all alone.

It’s hard to keep his hands to himself as they eat. It’s like he constantly has to feel Even, know that he’s real sitting there beside him.

Isak isn’t used to having nice things.

He’s still scared as hell, still worried that somehow, they’ll destroy their friendship doing this. What if they find out that they’re no good as lovers? As boyfriends? How will that affect their friendship?

Isak is pretty sure he knows the answer to that, and it terrifies him

“Hey, don’t get lost inside that pretty head of yours,” Even says, and caresses Isak’s cheek gently. The way he looks at Isak, the way Even is so open and free with his affections make Isak almost feel ashamed of how closed off he is himself.

“I’m sorry,” Isak says, looking down at his hands.

Even puts his food down, takes Isak’s bun as well, and puts it back on his plate before he puts them on the tray on the bedside table. Isak watches him with a frown, unsure of what’s going on.

Then Even starts crawling up the bed, slowly covering Isak’s body with his, and he keeps crawling and pushing until Isak lies down under him. Even cages Isak in with his arms and his body, looking at Isak in a way that makes goosebumps break out all over his skin, and Isak has to swallow hard at how perfect it is to be caught like this underneath Even. Seemingly happy that Isak is appeased, Even lowers his body until he’s lying on top of him.

“I know what you’re thinking, Isak. I know you,” he says in a low voice and Isak can’t look away anymore. “You’ll talk yourself out of this if I let you.”

Isak wants to argue, wants to tell him _never_ , but he knows that’s not completely true. Even really _does_ know him.

“I just want to love you,” Even says, getting close to Isak’s lips. Isak can barely breathe from how much he wants to kiss Even in this moment. “Can’t I just do that?”

Fuck. This is the most glorious kind of blackmail Isak has ever been exposed to, there’s really no other answer but the eager nod he manages. Even just barely manages to start smiling before Isak lifts his head and kisses him.

Even’s body on top of him is the most delicious weight, it keeps him down, keeps him grounded, makes him stay in the moment, in the kiss.

His entire body is vibrating with want and eagerness, his hands flying over Even’s skin trying to feel as much of it as he can. Even’s t-shirt is scrunched up in his armpits in no time, and Isak just wants more, wants _everything_.

“Take it off,” he says pulling at the offending garment and Even chuckles against his lips. Luckily, it makes him take it off, and as he pulls back to do so, Isak quickly removes his own.

He’s just about to move onto his briefs, just wants them both naked so he’ll be able to feel Even everywhere, when Even stops moving. Isak freezes immediately, with his hips lifted just enough that his briefs can be pulled down, and he looks at Even.

Suddenly it’s Even’s turn to look a bit flustered. He looks at Isak’s hands and Isak doesn’t like this hesitation. Wants to understand it.

“Even?” he asks and waits until Even looks into his eyes before he continues. “Do you want to slow down?”

Isak hadn’t realized before right this second that maybe the reason Even slowed them down last night wasn’t because he really just wanted to cuddle. Maybe he’s nervous to be with Isak.

Even looks at him and shakes his head. “No, fuck that, I’m done waiting.” His voice is unwavering, there’s no doubt that he means it, but before Isak can say anything, he takes a deep breath and whatever he’s about to say apparently makes him uncomfortable because Isak can see him starting to blush a bit. “I’ve just never been with a boy like this before.”

Isak doesn’t hesitate after that admission, just puts his arms around Even and pulls him down on top of him, so that he can hug his insecurities out of him. Or at least try to.

“You know that doesn’t matter, right?” he whispers straight into Even’s ears making Even huff and bury his head further in Isak’s shoulder. “How much experience do you have?”

They can totally do this. Isak can totally have an adult conversation with his new boyfriend about how much sex he’s had, while his dick is pulsing in his briefs and while he ignores how good said boyfriend feels on top of him. No problem.

Even pulls back to look at Isak. He seems curious about what kind of reaction he’ll get and it makes Isak swallow with nerves. He’s not quite sure what kind of answer he’d prefer.

“I mean between being with Sonja and pining for you, I haven’t really been with that many people. I’ve given a few blowjobs, just to see.”

“Just to see if you’d like it?” Isak asks with a low, rough voice that he barely recognizes himself. Even nods and bites his lip and Isak is dying, he needs to move this along, so he can start grinding his hips. Even looks way too good biting his lip like that.

He lowers his chin so he can look at Even through his eyelashes and smirks a bit. “So did you?”

Even starts smiling, looks at Isak’s lips in an interested way and nods. Isak makes a strangled sound, flushes all over from it, and he needs something to happen right now. His dick is starting to hurt. But Even looks like he’s comfortable on top of Isak like he has no problem staying there all day. Isak needs to do something drastic, he needs to take charge.

In a swift move, he turns them over, putting himself on top of Even. He doesn’t miss how Even’s pupils dilate with that, or the sound he makes. Isak immediately dives in, has to kiss Even’s lips, has to taste him. He makes it dirty from the start, makes Even open his mouth, pushes his tongue into it. He moans as his senses fill up with Even in a completely new, and very interesting, way.

He grinds his body against Even, makes sure that Even’s dick is being rubbed against his hip, and Even spreads his legs for Isak so beautifully that Isak almost loses it. He makes himself at home there between Even’s thighs and he just fits, like Even was made for him.

On a particularly good roll of his hips, Even moans against his mouth and breaks the kiss to throw his head back. Even’s neck is so long and right there in front of him, and Isak can’t resist the temptation to run his tongue up the long column of skin.

All that skin is making him desperate, makes him roll his hips even harder and faster against Even’s. He needs to do something if this isn’t just going to turn into dry-humping, he’s so close to just saying fuck it and continue until they both come in their briefs. But he desperately wants to see, wants Even naked under him, so he pulls back and gets up on his knees. He puts his hands on the elastic, looks at Even to check if it’s okay now, and Even nods.

The way Even looks at him as he pulls down his briefs over his dick, making it bounce and slap against his stomach makes him curse and hurry up even more. Even looks hungry for him, and Isak is definitely panting now. As soon as he’s discarded the material, Even lifts up his hips to indicate that Isak should take his off as well. Isak obliges happily.

Isak valiantly tries not to look too much before he’s pulled them off completely, isn’t sure if he could actually hold himself back if he did, so it’s not until he finally throws the briefs to the floor that he looks down at Even and sees him naked for the first time as a lover.

Isak has never seen anything so fucking perfect in his life.

He can’t stop looking, all that smooth, pale skin, his long and beautiful limbs, the scattering of hair covering his body. His perfect, magnificent dick, hard and straining against his stomach. Isak’s mouth floods with saliva. He wants to lick him everywhere, taste every last centimeter of him. He wants to make him feel so good that he’ll never even think about anyone else again.

“I’m going to blow your mind,” Isak says, doesn’t even care how cocky that makes him sound, how it makes Even huff out a surprised laugh. He’s on a mission now.

Isak doesn’t quite know where to start. He wants to do everything at once, and it seems impossible to decide. He’s apparently quiet long enough that Even starts fidgeting, and no. That won’t do. He doesn’t want Even to be nervous. So he leans in, gives him a good, hard kiss and doesn’t move on until he feels Even relaxing under him.

When he does, he mouths down his neck, licks at his collarbones, gives him slow, sensual kisses all the way down to his nipples.

“No boy has ever kissed you here?” he asks, tongues at a nipple as soon as he’s said it, punching a deep groan out of Even, making it impossible for him to answer. Emboldened by this response Isak moves on.

He kisses down Even’s chest, down to his navel. He licks around it, just runs his tongue along the edge of it, and Even’s breath hitches. “No boy has ever done that either?”

This time Even shakes his head, but his eyes are wide, and he’s completely focused on looking at Isak.

He continues to kiss down his stomach, ignores Even’s dick for now and kisses down his thigh. He puts both hands on Even’s inner thighs, putting pressure on them until Even spreads them further, and then Isak gently runs his hands up and down the smooth skin there.

“No boy has ever touched you like this?” he keeps asking, and Even looks like he’s slowly losing his mind from it.

Isak loves it.

He finally leans in, hovers with his mouth over Even’s dick, makes sure he can feel him breathing on it. Even groans, throws his head back on the pillow, but then immediately lifts it, as if he’s afraid that he’ll miss something if he doesn’t look.

Isak keeps teasing him, moving to the base of Even’s dick before he gives Even’s balls a small lick. Even’s answering moan makes Isak sweat and turns his own desperation up a notch, and he dives in and starts licking at Even’s balls. Even spreads his legs further, gives Isak more room and it’s glorious. He sucks one of his balls into his mouth, rolls it gently on his tongue, loving how Even tastes. How responsive he is.

He lets go with a wet pop and leans up enough that he can take the tip into his mouth instead. His tongue meets the slightly bitter taste of precum, and his mouth waters immediately.

He takes Even’s dick into his mouth as far as it can go and gets it as wet as he can. He takes it further and further into his mouth, down his throat, every time he sucks it in. He gives it his very best, makes it as good for Even as he possibly can, does that thing with his tongue, and makes sure to look up at him and catch his eye while he sucks, hollowing out his cheeks.

Even is sweating, his chest shivering, and he’s panting loud and wrecked. He looks a mess, and that’s exactly what Isak is going for. He feels completely smugly happy about it, that he can have that effect on Even. He pulls off of Even’s dick and blows on it to make it twitch.

“No boy has ever given you a blowjob?” he asks but Even almost looks too far gone to be able to answer him, so he just dives back in.

Even’s dick is so wet now, making the slide easy for him, and he pulls off of Even’s gorgeous dick for a few seconds to put his finger in his mouth, getting it wet as well, before he goes back to sucking Even.

He moves his hand down, slowly, showing Even where he’s going, and Even responds beautifully by hitching his legs up further. Isak loves him, loves this so much. Can’t wait to be fucking buried to the hilt in Even’s ass at some point. He knows it’s going to feel better than anything he could possibly imagine.

He runs his spit-slick finger along Even’s crack, coaxes a strangled sound out of Even when it grazes his rim and he has to close his eyes at how fucking close he is.

Even is just too much, is just everything he could’ve ever wished for. It’s almost too perfect. He pulls off Even completely, ignores the disappointed sound Even makes so he can ask, “Do you have any lube?”

Even looks at him dazed for a few long seconds, and Isak can’t help but smile smugly. This is just better than anything he could’ve ever imagined.

Even finally clears his throat and points to the bedside table. “In the drawer.”

Isak gets it immediately, ignores the condoms lying there, but makes a mental note of them. He’s not sure how far Even wants to go now, and he doesn’t want to take anything for granted. He’ll get one later if that’s what they want to do.

He makes sure that Even can see what he’s doing as he starts to pour the lube over his fingers. He isn’t sure of how experienced Even is with fingers in his ass, and wants to go easy on him. Wants to make sure this is good for him too.

He gets his hand back on Even’s crack, but there’s not quite enough room for him to do what he wants to, so he takes Even’s leg and bends it towards his chest. He has a steady hold on Even's thigh and holds it there. He looks at Even, looks to see if he’s alright with what Isak’s about to do and the way Even stares back at him tells him more than words ever could. There’s so much trust there that Isak feels his heart swelling.

He fights the urge to just go back to kissing Even, knows that there are other ways he can show him how much this means to him. He starts to circle Even’s rim, just slow, lazy circles, designed to make his nerves light up, and he can feel how Even’s rim twitches under his fingers.

“No boy has ever done this to you either?” he asks even though he knows the answer.

Even is flushed, but he indulges Isak, doesn’t call him out on how much he seems to be enjoying being the first to do this to Even and Isak loves that he’s playing along.

Isak keeps circling it, keeps it slow, just letting Even get used to having fingers on his rim, making him relax.

It seems to be agitating Even though, makes him huff in impatience, “I won’t break, you can fucking put your fingers in me.”

Isak can’t help but laugh. “Sorry, sorry,” he mutters and immediately breaches him with his finger.

Even sighs, relaxes his head back into the pillow and looks so mouth-wateringly beautiful with the way he just gives himself over to Isak like this.

“I have a dildo. I’m used to things in my ass,” Even says, in a completely normal tone of voice, like it’s _nothing_.

Like he didn’t just say something that makes Isak’s entire world shift.

Isak pauses his movements. The thought of Even lying in the next room from his, fucking himself on a dildo makes Isak’s mouth dry, makes his dick twitch and his balls ache. Fuck. That visual.

Even whines from Isak stopping, starts to roll his hips to make Isak start moving his finger again, and Isak is so fucked.

How can Even be so fucking sexy, and seemingly without even trying?

Isak feels Even relax around his finger and adds a second. He tries to ignore how tight Even is, how fucking good he feels around his fingers. Tries not to imagine how good that clench will be around his dick.

He takes his time with it, ignores how his dick is straining, begging to be touched. Focuses instead on how Even looks taking his fingers, how enthusiastic he is. There’s absolutely no doubt about how much he’s enjoying it. He’s rolling his hips in small circles as Isak pushes his fingers into him, and Isak’s never experienced anything more mind-blowing than this.

He never thought it could be this good. No matter how he let himself imagine it, his fantasies never could measure up to reality.

“One more,” Even moans, and fuck yes.

Isak is careful with the third one, knows that his fingers are big and long, doesn’t want to make Even uncomfortable. But it’s an easy slide in, Even bears down and just opens up for Isak so beautifully.

Isak tears his eyes away from Even’s face, from absorbing how the pleasure he’s feeling from Isak’s fingers is so obvious there, to look at his fingers disappearing into Even. It’s fucking amazing. And it makes his aching dick so much harder to ignore.

He has to ask, has to know if it’s even a possibility for them. “Do you want to?” he asks, hopes that Even doesn’t pay too much attention to the awe in his voice.

Even opens his eyes and looks straight at Isak, bites his lip as he nods and Isak can’t look away from it. Even’s lips are so addictive, he just wants to kiss them over and over again.

“Fuck yes,” he mutters, making Even huff out a laugh that feels amazing with his fingers inside of him.

Isak pulls them out gently, takes one of the condoms from the drawer and puts it on quickly. He makes sure he’s wet with lube before he takes one of Even’s pillows and makes Even lift his hips to get it under him.

When he lies down on top of Even, the knowledge of what’s about to happen is almost overwhelming him. He stays there, just hovering over him, boxing him in with his arms, and he looks. And looks.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says, and he can’t help but flush at how truthful he is. He’s afraid Even will think it’s too much, too soon. But clearly Even doesn’t. He smiles that smile at him, the small, private, _new_ smile and Isak is flooded with relief. It’s so good to be with someone who doesn’t care when he’s feeling too much. It seems like there’s no such thing with Even.

He leans down, puts his weight on Even and starts kissing him. He kisses him slowly, pours all of his love and longing and want into it, tries to make sure that Even can feel it. He wants him to know just how much he means to him, how much he already loves him.

They stay like that for a while, just kissing, just feeling each other, and this is so good that it’s almost easy for Isak to ignore his dick. Almost.

The more they kiss, the more sounds Even is making against his lips, the more Even rolls his hips, grinding his dick against him, the harder it becomes for Isak to ignore it.

He slowly slides into place between Even’s legs, his dick getting closer and closer to where he wants it the most, and when Even puts his legs around him, locks his ankles behind Isak’s thighs, his dick feels like it’s going to explode.

He shifts to get his hand on it, and aligns himself with Even’s hole. He’s torn whether he should pull back so he can watch Even as he breaches him or whether he should stay to kiss him through it, but in the end Even decides for him.

He puts one arm around Isak’s back and the other around his neck, keeping him in place. Isak tries to distract Even with a curl of his tongue against his as he starts pushing in, and it’s working for a few seconds until Even breaks the kiss, and Isak is finally able to see the effect he’s having on him.

Even is sweating, his hair stuck to his forehead, his cheeks red. He looks perfect like this. His eyes are closed like he’s savoring the feeling of every centimeter disappearing into him as Isak starts to tremble.

Everything is just so much.

The way Even looks, how much he’s enjoying it, the smell of him, how their skin touches all over. All this, and how tight and warm and perfect Even feels around his dick, makes Isak’s nerves fire, makes electricity zap through his dick and his balls pulse with need.

When he finally bottoms out, when his hips are flushed against Even’s, he pauses there. He needs to catch his breath, needs his toes to uncurl, needs a little bit of control back. But Even is making it hard for him.

“Fuck, you feel good,” he groans against Isak’s lips, and Isak whimpers.

It’s impossible for him to keep still. He needs to move, he hopes with everything he has that Even is ready.

The first thrust punches all air out of his lungs, makes sweat break out all over his body.

Makes him close his eyes and mutter _fuck, fuck, fuck._ He rolls his hips again, slowly pulls out and thrusts back in, and Even moves with him this time.

Even tightens his grip on his back, pulls him closer, so close that Isak is locked in his grip, but he’s not complaining. There’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

It doesn’t take them long to establish some kind of rhythm, and Isak just loses himself to it.

He loves how close they are, how he’s surrounded by Even everywhere. The sounds Even makes just add to his pleasure, makes his skin burn and the coil in his stomach tighten.

He’s panting against Even’s cheek, mouth open like he can’t get enough air and he gives him his all. Moves his hips, changing the angle, trying to find Even’s prostate to make him realize just how fucking good it can feel with a dick inside of him.

Although when he pulls back enough to see, it looks like Even is already convinced. He’s so fucking beautiful the way he just gives himself over to Isak. His mouth open, eyes closed. How he seems not to care about the moans pouring out of him.

Even hitches his thighs up further, opening himself up for Isak even more, and Isak gets even deeper inside of him on the next thrust. It makes him hit Even’s prostate, makes Even breath hitch and he feels how Even tightens around him, around his neck, back, thighs and dick, and Isak has to clench his teeth against it.

His balls pull up tight to his body and he’s just so close. He’s suddenly not sure that he’s going to be able to hold off until Even comes. But he’s powerless against the way his body chases the orgasm. It’s just too good, there’s no way he can back off, no way he can withstand how good this makes him feel.

He lets his body take over, thrusts into Even a little bit harder, a little bit faster. Even clenches around him and moans too loud at it, and that’s it for Isak.

His orgasm hits him like a freight train, just overpowers him from one second to the other, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

He hangs onto Even for dear life, clings to him as his body does the last of the work for him, gets him as far inside of Even as he can possibly go so he can unload himself there. He shivers through it, clenches tight all over, lets the waves of pleasure wash over him.

He’s still coming, still working his hips to prolong the orgasm, and he feels how hard Even is between them, rubbing against his stomach.

It _pains_ him that he didn’t get Even to come first, but it’s easy to lose sight of that as his orgasm courses through him, fills him up.  

When he’s done emptying himself into the condom, he lies on top of Even, tries to catch his breath and get his brain back online. Once he does there’s no missing the desperate way Even is clinging to him.

He experimentally moves his hips, still hard enough that Even whines, putting his wet mouth against Isak’s cheek.

“Fuck, Isak,” he groans, and his voice sounds wrecked and Isak needs to see him. Needs to see how he looks when he sounds like that.

He gets up on his arms creating some distance between them, making Even’s arms less tight around him. He’s still catching his breath and his arms are shaking from exhaustion, but it’s worth it from the sight Even makes under him.

He’s flushed all the way down his torso, all the way to his dick, slick with sweat and he’s shaking and panting.

“Isak, just… come on,” he says when Isak just stays there, just looks, doesn’t move to do anything more.

Isak tears his eyes away from Even’s pretty face to look down at his dick, and it looks so hard and red that Isak knows it must be hurting.

Even clenches around him and Isak hisses from overstimulation, but it still feels good. Like he could handle more.

He pulls out, kisses Even through the discomfort that causes and then he keeps kissing him. He makes sure that he’s not really touching Even’s dick, just needs a couple of minutes to get a hold of himself, to calm down a bit.

Even lets him, although he still tries thrusting his hips up against him looking for some kind of friction, but Isak makes sure that he won’t find any.

“Don’t worry,” he whispers against Even’s lips. “I’ll take care of you.” And then he kisses him again.

Once he feels like he’s calmed down enough, like the nerves in his skin aren’t going off from even the smallest of touches, he gets up on his knees and gets rid of the used condom. He’s not quite sure what Even’s expecting, but it’s easy to see that he definitely wasn’t expecting Isak not to lie down between his thighs again. Instead, Isak straddles Even, sits down on his thighs right behind his gorgeous dick and gets hold of the lube once again.

He makes a show of it, how he’s pouring lube on his fingers, rubbing it between the pads to warm it up a bit, makes sure that Even sees him slowly put the hand behind him.

Isak’s eyelids flutter as he pushes the first finger into himself, and he sighs at how good it feels. He’s always loved riding that edge of too much, how his body is so sensitive after coming that it’s just on the good side of overstimulation. He’s used to this, knows just how he can open himself up fast, and the way Even looks at him once he realizes what Isak is doing is making Isak wish he could go even faster.

“Are you…?” Even asks, looking dazed and so fucking turned on that Isak loses his breath from it.

“Yeah, I need to feel you,” he answers with a rough voice, that seems to make them both pant harder.

He makes it two fingers before he’s really ready, but he’s getting desperate to get Even inside of him. To feel that beautiful dick stretch him and fill him up. Isak flushes all over just with the thought of how good it’s going to feel once it does.

He starts scissoring his fingers, eager to make room for Even, and Even puts his hands on Isak’s hips. Isak twists his fingers and moans at how fucking good it feels, and that makes Even move, makes him slide one of his hands behind.

Even’s fingers run over Isak’s hand, gentle but searching for where Isak’s fingers are disappearing into him, and Isak moans when he feels Even’s fingers touch his rim, touch the fingers stretching him.

Isak’s dick twitches from it, he’s already half hard again, and he knows he won’t be able to wait much longer. He’s just about to ask Even to put on a condom when he feels Even slip a finger inside of him, next to his own. The stretch and the burn from it is so good that Isak can’t stay upright anymore, the pleasure stealing all strength from his body.

He lies down on top of Even, his lips finding his and he whines when they finally meet. Even pushes his tongue inside of Isak’s mouth, fucks him with it the same way he’s fucking him with his finger and Isak is _dying_.

He’s sweating for real now again, can feel how it collects in the dip of his spine, how his thighs slide against Even’s skin every time Even pushes into him and he just can’t stand it anymore.

He pulls his fingers out of his ass abruptly, ignores how empty that makes him feel, but thankfully Even just takes over immediately. The way Isak is leaning forward to get another condom from the drawer makes it easy for Even to put two more fingers in him. Isak stays there like that, just hovering over the bed, arm resting on the drawer, just breathing through it, dazed from how much it is, how fucking perfect Even’s fingers inside of him feel.

He could stay there forever if Even didn’t make his dick pulse with want on one, particularly vicious twist. It pushes a bead of precum out of his now fully hard dick, and Isak is still so sensitive that he can feel how it slowly slides down the length of his dick. He whines at it, clenches his eyes, is so torn between letting Even just continue like that and sitting on his dick, but in the end, it’s the thought of Even’s dick lying there neglected that does it for him.

Surely it must be hurting by now.

He opens his eyes, takes a couple of deep breaths before he’s collected himself enough that he can grab the condom and settle back on Even’s lap.

“I’m going to put this on you now, okay?” he asks, just to make sure that Even wants this, and the eager nod he gets in return tells him all he needs to know.

He doesn’t try to make it sexy, just gets it done, just needs this part over. He grabs the lube, gets Even’s dick nice and wet with it, but makes sure that he doesn’t touch it too much. Even looks like it won’t take much, and although Isak can’t wait to see what he looks like when he’s coming, he wants him to come when he’s inside of him.

He gets up on his thighs, steadies Even’s dick with one hand and grabs Even’s wrist behind him with the other.

“You need to take those out for this to work,” he says with a fond smile because Even isn’t making any moves to do so.

Even pauses until Isak squeezes his dick at the base, just lets him know what kind of pressure it’s about to get, and Even whines high in his throat as he pulls out his fingers.

“Fuck, Isak. Just, come on,” he says impatiently like it isn’t his own fault that he’s not inside of Isak already.

Instead of arguing, Isak bites his tongue and places the tip of Even’s dick where he wants it the most. The blunt pressure feels amazing, makes his dick throb even more, makes him sweat even harder. He starts sinking down, faster than he normally would, but he’s desperate by now to feel how Even fits inside of him.

Even’s grip on his hips gets harder, but it’s just right. It grounds him in his body, the feel of Even’s thighs shaking under him, the strong hold of his hips, the stretch in his ass.

It makes him hyper-focused on Even, watching how he clenches his eyes and jaw, seemingly trying to hold on from how it feels to have his dick inside of Isak.

Isak loves it.

Loves how Even looks wrecked from this, how much it’s making him feel. When he’s sitting on Even’s hips, when Even’s dick is buried to the hilt in him, he doesn’t stay there for long, starts moving almost immediately.

Even feels so right inside of him. The burn and stretch are just perfect, just how he likes it, and he starts grinding his hips against Even’s, long steady rolls of his hips that he knows will drive Even crazy.

It does.

Nothing could be better than seeing how affected Even is by what Isak’s doing to him, he’s so clearly into it. He tries to move along, tries directing Isak’s movements with his hands, but Isak’s not having it. He stays in the rhythm he’s settled in, makes Even take what he’s giving him.

Even moans under him, frantically turning his head from side to side like the pleasure is almost too much for him.

“Fuck Isak!” he groans, leaves his mouth open as he tries to catch his breath.

His mouth is so inviting like that, looks so red and wet and Isak needs to taste it, needs to feel his lips against his, so he aborts his grinds to lean forward to kiss Even.

As soon as he does, as soon as he gives over his control like that, Even takes over.

He puts a hand around Isak’s neck to keep him there against his lips, and he puts his legs up so his feet can find purchase on the bed. Isak can feel him moving under him but is getting lost in the kiss and the feeling of Even filling him up so good, that he doesn’t even try to take any control back.

He’s made Even suffer enough. It’s clear that Even is almost getting too lost in it, and Isak wants him to stay with him. So he kisses Even back with all he has, slides his knees out to the side even more, making room for Even to thrust into him.

And Even does. As soon as he gets leverage he pushes into Isak hard, making Isak lose his breath even more. After that Even starts pounding into Isak, fast and hard, uses his hands to keep Isak where he wants him and Isak’s never felt better in his life.

It’s so much, the way Even’s dick just fits in him, pleasure radiating from how his dick hits him just right with every thrust, how big he feels inside. Although Isak really likes control, he loves this as well. Letting Even take over, letting him do what his instincts dictate, letting him bury himself deeper and deeper inside of Isak as Isak just sits there and takes it. He lets his body become pliant and useful, a tool for Even’s release.

His own dick is leaking now, pouring precum down onto Even’s stomach, and when Even hits him just right, he manages to get some friction on it between their bellies.

But this isn’t really about his pleasure anymore. This is all about Even. Even who’s wailing into Isak’s mouth and Isak does his best to swallow all the sounds pouring out of Even. Fits his mouth around Even’s, kisses his slack lips like he needs it more than air.

Even looks lost, like the pleasure is just about to tip over into something more, and Isak has never seen anything look this good in his life. He keeps his eyes open to it, fights the fluttering of his eyelids from how good he’s feeling. He needs to see Even.

Even throws his head back in the pillow, shoves Isak down on his dick as he pushes up into Isak as far as he can go, and Isak doesn’t think anybody has ever been that deep inside of him. He feels Even tense under him, feels him shiver, and on a silent scream he finally lets go.

Even coming is a sight unlike any other. Isak almost comes himself just from how fucking perfect he looks, long neck on display, eyes clenched, mouth open, covered in sweat. All his strength seems to be focused on keeping Isak down on his dick, on pushing himself as far inside of Isak as he can, and it’s like he’s being split in two.

Isak’s dick throbs with it, he loves the slight tinge of pain mixing with the pleasure and he holds on as Even convulses through his orgasm under him.

It looks like a good one.

It makes Isak pant against Even’s mouth, makes him whine in sympathy from how good it feels to know that he’s the cause of this, that he’s the one who’s making Even feel so good.

Seeing Even lose it like that under him is one of the best things that’s ever happened to him. He can’t believe that he’s the one who gets to see it, who gets to experience Even like this. He can’t believe how willingly Even gives himself over to Isak.

Like it’s no big deal.

When in fact, Isak has never had anybody trust him like that before. Never had anybody love him so much before. He knows that this kind of love and trust is hard earned, and it almost feels too big inside of him.

As Even’s orgasm ebbs out of him, as he slowly starts to loosen the grip he has on Isak and the tension in his body, Isak swallows down all the words threatening to spill out of him.

He loves Even. More than he’s ever loved anything in his life.

He’s not sure he really comprehends how lucky they are that they managed to be in each other’s lives and fall in love with each other at the same point in time. How lucky they are to be able to have each other.

As Even comes down Isak kisses him through it, holds him tight, touches him with as much as his body as he can. Needs to let him know, let him _feel_ , that Isak is there with him for the entire ride. That he’ll never let go of him.

Not anymore.

It’s a daunting feeling to know that it’s possible for him to feel this much. But looking down at Even, seeing how his eyes gleam as he finally opens his eyes to look at Isak, seeing how his face lights up in a big smile as soon as he does, Isak can’t imagine ever wanting anything else.

Isak slowly slides down to lie beside Even, and they lie like that for a while, touching, kissing, talking in low voices. It’s intimate in a way that Isak’s never had before. It’s definitely something he could get used to very fast.

“So will you wake me up like that every morning?” he asks with a big smile, making Even huff out a laugh and tighten his arms around him.

“Sure, if you’ll let me,” he laughs.

It’s so easy. Just being here like this. Not worrying about a thing. He doesn’t care that he’s naked, or that Even is, or that they’re covered in cum and lube and should get up to clean themselves.

His stomach doesn’t churn from thinking about how it’s going to be to go out at some point and hold Even’s hand and kiss him in front of everybody. There are only happy butterflies. He can’t wait for everybody to see that Even is his. That he is Even’s.

As he lies there besides Even, lips attached to him in some way constantly, whispering words of intimacy to each other, Isak knows, feels it in every heartbeat, just how right this is.

Even has always been his home. And Isak understands that he’ll always be. He settles into that thought, lets it fill him up completely, lets himself really _feel_ it.

Makes his heart realize it too, with every beat in his chest.

Wherever Even is, he’s home.

And he’ll do his very best to show Even that Isak can be his home, too.

His nerves disappear and his worries subside. Even will always be his best friend, no matter what, but now he’s also so much more than that. And Isak will never need anything more than this.

He’s home now.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s it, folks!!
> 
> I hope I made you feel things. I just wanted Even to be the one who pined for an oblivious Isak for once… ;)
> 
> There are a few people who I want to thank for making writing this bearable for me:
> 
> Maugurt is, as always, indispensable to my writing process. Immy, H, Vespy, P, and Carina has been the best cheerleaders a girl could ask for. I just have to mention Immy again for answering all my questions about Norwegian Christmas’es and Kit for beta’ing. Thank you, both! I hope you’re having so much fun with all your challenge-fics. <3 <3 
> 
> And lastly, the biggest THANK YOU to all of you who have read, kudos’ed and commented on this massive trope-collection of a fic. You guys are awesome, and you’ve definitely made me the happiest girl in the world with all your support. YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!! And I hope you have the best holidays ever. <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to make my Christmas even better this year, please don’t hesitate to leave me a comment or give kudos. I promise that every single one will make me sing Wham loud and clear (to myself. Behind closed windows. While I’m alone. I wouldn’t want to ruin Christmas for others…) xD 
> 
> I’m [nofeartina](https://nofeartina.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, come help me get into the Christmas spirit!! :D
> 
> Glædelig jul og godt nytår til alle! <3


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